Chasing Hope
by allonsysilvertongue
Summary: "If I ask you to name all the things you love, how long will it take for you to name yourself?" A story on finding hope, forgiveness and love in a world they never imagined they would survive. Post-MJ.
1. Don't Be A Stranger

_Hello all, this is my new story and this time, it is not an AU. It takes place post-mj to see how the characters deal with their lives and move on past their trauma to find something good and hopeful to build their life upon. I hope you'll like it._

* * *

 _1\. Don't Be A Stranger_

 _"What if being made broken is the first step to healing?"_

There were scars running down her left arm, faint jagged lines from when she had hurt herself putting her hands between the tiny spaces of the metal bars to beg for food. In the wake of all that just happened, that memory felt so distant now; one of hurt, cold and starvation yet, each time she closed her eyes, the memory would be so vivid and crushing.

Effie adjusted her blouse and patted her wig. Inspecting herself in the mirror one last time, she still found it difficult to accept that _she_ had truly gone through that harrowing experience. It felt like a different woman had.

"Chins up," she whispered.

Satisfied with the way she looked, Effie moved towards the window. Peering outside, the landscape was unrecognizable. The place where tributes were paraded was an indistinguishable semi-circle, half of the area cordoned off from public. The rubble from the bomb blast had not been cleared off yet and blood still stained the pavements from where children were blown up in front of the Presidential Mansion.

Capitol residents spoke in hush whispers while rebel soldiers gave out orders to clear the street and direct people to the numerous refugee camps that had sprung up after the Capitol fell.

It was strange to look out on a view that was so familiar and yet, so different.

The country was undoubtedly broken and that in itself should make her sad and dejected but instead, Effie chose not to dwell too much on it. Perhaps, they all needed to be broken before they could rebuild and heal.

The snow slowly falling to the ground was the first sign of that. It had never snowed in the Capitol, not real ones at least. Ever since Beetee won his Games, he had been commissioned to take care of that problem. Snow was too much of a hassle when they melted and made everything damp so temperatures were regulated. It was never too warm or too cold here, and she had only ever experienced extreme weather in Twelve where winter was harsh, according to Haymitch. But here, right now, the falling snow seemed exquisite.

Popping open the window, Effie held out her hand and smiled softly as the snowflakes landed on her glove covered hand. Haymitch had expected it to stop snowing anytime today and it would seem that he was right. It was not as heavy as it was three days ago.

Speaking of Haymitch, Effie checked the time on the clock. It was probably wise to make her way down now. It wouldn't do to miss them entirely and she knew Haymitch would not wait around in case he lost his nerve about going back. Even so, Effie had the full confidence that he would do what was required of him.

The hovercrafts leaving for some of the districts had already taken off, carrying with it Iris Everdeen. Effie waited for Katniss at the foot of the stairs.

Goodbyes were never her favourite thing and this was goodbye, for now at least. She was not sure when she would see them again.

They had said goodbyes and parted ways countless times over the years but this time, Haymitch held her gaze, a thousand unspoken words passed through that. The day before, they had already talked about this and she would not change her mind.

"Don't be a stranger," he said gruffly, stepping up in front of her.

"I won't," she promised.

True, she might still be angry and disappointed with his actions and being left behind during the Rebellion to be kept prisoner had left her feeling crossed and unwanted, but they had gone through too much for them to now be mere strangers to each other.

Her feelings were her own but their shared memories belonged to them both, and she would not leave it wasted.

"Take care of her," Effie pleaded.

"I will. Take care of him."

Effie nodded in assurance. Long after both Katniss and Haymitch had become mere dark spots in the white canvas of the city, Effie remained where she was, watching them.


	2. To Twelve

_2\. To Twelve_

 _"Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood."_ — _Donnie Darko_

The train remained intact. It was jarring that as the world crumbled around them, this little piece in this small corner was untouched. With a nod in Katniss' direction and a quiet mumbled that he would see her later, Haymitch turned left to the direction of the bar car and it was just as he remembered it to be. In a matter of seconds, he had swept the room clean of all the bottles he could find and lugged his treasures back to where he last saw Katniss.

"So why are you going back to Twelve?"

"They can't seem to find a place for me in the Capitol either," he shrugged which wasn't a complete lie.

It was either the Presidential Mansion where he had been staying since the rebels stormed the Capitol or Effie's apartment, and since Effie was still harbouring some resentment towards him even if she tried not to be too obvious about it, staying with her was out of the question. At least until they could find middle ground in … whatever it was between them now.

"My mother's not coming back."

At the mention of her mother, Haymitch handed Katniss the letter from Iris Everdeen as he explained about Iris' decision to help with the starting up of hospitals in Four. Instead of reading the letter, Katniss pocketed it.

She wandered off into another part of the train and he let her. He had half of mind to retreat back into his room in the train but the last time he was there, Effie was in his bed and he wasn't sure he wanted the reminder right now.

"You're still here," Haymitch remarked with a chuckle as he spotted the Avox.

He nodded mutely, serving Haymitch a cup of tea.

"Should have expected it, huh? Train's untouched so you must be here too. Good to know you survived the war," Haymitch went on. He paused and then looked up at the man wistfully. "You don't have to stay here serving this train any more. It's over. You heard, yeah? Snow's dead."

Once again, another soundless nod followed.

"Where are you from?"

The man only stared at Haymitch blankly.

"Home… Where is that for you?"

Gesturing towards the general direction of the train, his meaning became clear and Haymitch wondered how young he was when he was made an Avox to serve this train. He poured a generous amount of whiskey in his tea and took a gulp.

The Avox's answer made complete sense. He had seen the same Avox year after year as the train travelled from Twelve to the Capitol, and back again. It was no different this time. This train was all the Avox knew.

"Your _family_ … Where are they?"

There was a brief flash of confusion in his eyes and his brows furrowed as if he was trying to remember a life he once had. Slowly, he lifted up seven fingers.

"Seven. Good place, right? Been there twice so far, always wanted to come back. I even thought of it, you know? After we stormed the Capitol, went 'round asking for Jo's opinion on a good place for a house or a cabin… I might have even asked Effie if she wants to come along, if things weren't so fucked up. You remember her, yeah? Effie Trinket?"

At his affirmative nod, Haymitch went on.

"She's at the Capitol now, guess she's staying there. Keep an eye on the boy – that's what she said when I asked her to come with. Not sure what's gonna come after, if she's gonna come back with Peeta or find someplace else to … Doesn't matter 'cause I ain't going anywhere, _can't_ go anywhere," he said, sounding bitter. "Might never see her again if she decides to stay where she is or pack her bag to join Jo and Annie… Fifteen years working with her and it comes down to this."

The Avox made some gestures with his hands and it took a while for Haymitch to understand that he was asking about Jo and Annie.

"District Four so that's where Effie might go, I supposed," he answered. "You ever thought of how your life is just one pathetic tragedy after another? Thought if I made it through this war that I'd be free but that's not the case, is it? Sent back to Twelve…," he scoffed and let out a breath. "It was a choice I made. The girl's mine and someone's gotta step up."

Haymitch wondered then why the Avox was still standing there listening to him _ramble_ but he supposed when one made the train a home, there wasn't much in the way of company especially so when everyone else tended to treat him as if he was invisible.

"When the train stops at Seven to refuel, you get down you understand?"

That command serve to only startle him and he neither nod nor shake his head.

"You go home, kid. You find your family," Haymitch encouraged. "If they're still alive, then you make good of it. The world you knew it is over. It's a new one now. You ain't gonna start it by staying here in this train, are you?"

The train was held up for an hour at District Nine as the people in the district worked to clear the rubble. Haymitch was not stupid enough to believe that they were clearing it because the Mockingjay was in the train. They had to clear the railway if they hope to get supplies into their district in the near future.

When the train eventually rolled up in District Seven, Haymitch stood by one of the doors. The Avox was next to him, shuffling restlessly on his feet.

"Go on," Haymitch motioned towards the platform. "Nothing to be afraid of. I ain't gonna report you to anyone 'cause there's no one to report to. The Avox system has collapsed – you're free."

Emboldened by that statement, he tossed Haymitch a smile and jumped off. Angling his body slightly towards the person who freed him, he waved and that was the first time Haymitch had ever seen a genuine smile on an Avox's face.

"Stay alive," Haymitch chuckled.

He caught the small object the man threw in his direction as the train began to gain speed. Opening his palm, he saw that it was the badge with the Avox's name on it – 'Ailes'.

Haymitch stared at the badge before briefly glancing at the space on the sofa where Effie would usually sit to powder her nose. He had long labelled that armchair as hers.

"Freed an Avox today, sweetheart."

The Avoxes, he thought in passing, needed help. They certainly needed to be assimilated to society after years of slavery and mutilation otherwise they risked being marginalised. That is something that needed to be addressed. It would not do for a country rising from the ashes to completely cast aside those that had been brutalised by Snow.

Haymitch made a mental note to bring it up with Paylor's administration as soon as he could.

* * *

A/N: I know in the books it was mentioned that they took a hovercraft back but in the movie, it was the train. So I'm mixing both sources together.


	3. Hospital Visit

_Hospital Visit_

 _"It's still you._

 _It's still you."_

— Margaret Atwood, _Shapechangers In Winter_

* * *

With Johanna and Annie leaving for District Four, the number of regular visitors had reduced considerably. For the past two weeks, together with Effie, they had made it a point to provide company for Peeta in the hospital.

Annie had wistfully coined them the Quartet.

"It was us four then, too."

There was no need for her to explicitly explain what "then" meant. Having gone through it together, they knew it all too well. They had held each other and tried to the best of their abilities to give strength to one another. Effie had whispered words of encouragement to Johanna and Peeta after each beating, pleading with them to hold on and that someone was bound to rescue them.

"I miss them already," Effie remarked.

"As do I," Peeta said. "Even Johanna's snarky remarks about the nurses here."

Effie checked the time.

It would be fifteen minutes before Peeta's scheduled therapy session which would last for half an hour, a time she would often use to get a quick lunch and thereafter spend it reading numerous pregnancy books that she could find to keep herself well-informed for Annie's sake.

She was always mindful to be back in Peeta's room when he returned from his session. The presence of a familiar face helped. He was often quiet after his sessions and Effie disliked the idea of him being alone.

"Any news from Twelve?"

"Well, last I heard, Haymitch wrote a letter to the Capitol. For President Paylor," she informed him. "I only knew when I was summoned to the Presidential Mansion and heard the talks."

Alarmed by what she was telling him, Peeta asked, "What was in the letter? And why were you summoned?"

"Nothing too serious," she assured. "Plutarch required my professional fashion advice, if you would believe it, for the inauguration, the date of which is still classified. As for Haymitch's letter, I am in the dark as to what the contents are but Plutarch hinted that it was important for the future of Panem. Perhaps, Haymitch has taken up a cause to occupy his time," she laughed lightly, eyes twinkling in amusement. "Curious as I am, we'll just have to wait."

"How do you think they are doing?"

That was a question he asked often enough.

Dr. Aurelieus had advised that it would likely be better for the time being for Katniss and Peeta to be on their own separately. Peeta needed to gain control of his memories without Katniss' presence interfering and leaving him confused and Katniss… She needed to grief the loss of her sister without constantly worrying about Peeta.

"They are rather stubborn people, are they not? They are alright, darling, they _will_ be," she reached across to squeeze his hand.

Effie missed them both. It was not the same without them. The team did not feel complete.

Despite a part of her that still blamed Haymitch for her capture, Effie missed him dearly. He had never said anything about not calling him but she needed to do her own healing. Like Peeta, she needed time on her own to be able to bury the resentment and disappointment at being left behind if she ever wished to find it within her to forgive Haymitch and move past the trauma. She knew that he would never have let any harm befall her but the manner in which he had handled it… He could have at the very least told her, she thought. She would have kept his secret. She would have kept it all – the rebellion, district thirteen, breaking out of the arena – _everything_.

His repeated ' _I wanted to make sure you were safe and the lesser you knew the better'_ when he had tried to explain his decision to her did nothing to quell the anger, only fuel it, especially so since she was on morphling and in pain.

Still, right now, she made a promise that once the communication infrastructure are up and stable in District Twelve and the rest of Panem, she would give Haymitch and Katniss a call.

"It's time," Peeta said, glancing at the clock. "You will be here?"

"Yes, as always," Effie assured him with a smile.

Leaning back in her chair, Effie lost herself in the book. At the stage of pregnancy Annie was at now, Effie learnt that the baby's fingers and toes should be well defined and the baby could even suck on its thumb, which she found to be rather fascinating. Annie might even begin to feel the baby move and Effie mourn the fact that she would not be there to experience and feel it, the way Johanna could.

It was the opening and closing of the door that brought her back and just as she expected, Peeta returned looking sullen. It did not befit the boy she knew but this was a cycle she had grown accustomed to by now.

Methodically, he pulled out a blank canvas and set it against the stand. He paused briefly, studying the colour palette before choosing the ones he wanted.

"What if I can never be _me?"_ he asked out of the blue.

Effie knew that fear well. It was the fear of losing oneself, and she even thought she had lost the core of her individuality in that prison cell.

"You are still you. This person," she touched his cheek gently which belied the firm, insistent tone of her voice, "is still very much you.

"Not my memories, not my mind," he countered and rubbed his forehead in frustration. "They'll never – "

"Your heart is still yours. Your memories….They will get better. That is why you are here, getting help."

Peeta said nothing to that. His attention had shifted to mixing his paints and getting the shade exactly how he wanted them. Effie was about to return to her reading when he spoke up.

"The night of the 74th Games," he breathed slowly and looked up, "before we were sent to the arena, I told Katniss that I don't want them to change who I am. That if I die… I'd still want to be me."

Effie never knew this. She assumed that after she had sent the children to bed that night, they had remained in their bedrooms. She was not aware of them having a conversation.

"They tried to do just that. It's ironic how things turned out."

"It is true that you are not the Peeta Mellark I first met in District Twelve. You have faced numerous trials that the boy I met is gone and the person here, in his place is someone stronger, kinder and wiser, a survivor. They may have taken away that childhood innocence, darling, but you are still good, compassionate and _human_. I see that from you again and again, and they did _not_ take that away from you. They did not change that about you. They tried to tarnish your memories, that's all but you are doing so well right now."

"I … don't know."

"Peeta, you were not fueled by revenge before and you are not fueled by that now. You are the same person here," she touched his chest for emphasis.

Instead of answering, he stared at his hands instead and she knew what he was thinking. Those were the same hands that had tried to strangle the life out of Katniss before.

"Remember what you did on that balcony," she reminded him softly, clasping his hands in hers. "You could not let her die in the Games and you could not let her die then. That is who you are. You always try to keep her safe."

He took a shuddering breath and then looked up, a small smile gracing his face.

"Shall I paint you today?"

* * *

 _Please leave a review, it will make me so happy :)_


	4. The Grass Is Always Greener

_4\. The Grass is Always Greener_

 _'_ _What would I do if I weren't afraid?'_

* * *

With road infrastructure still unstable and trains making trips only to transport the bare necessity such as food, the letter she wrote him took quite a while to reach and she never received any reply. While she was not expecting one, it also meant that the letter he had written to President Paylor must have been important to him.

Still, she was only human and Effie couldn't help but feel a little slighted that he did not write back to her at least once. Peeta comforted her by saying that Haymitch's reply simply got lost in the country and since she wasn't President Paylor, people might not have taken great care to ensure the letter reached its recipient safely.

Effie continued writing to him simply because she found comfort in penning down her thoughts and knowing that at the end of it, the man reading it would be Haymitch. The letters usually contained updates on Peeta's progress with Dr. Aurelius, the rebuilding efforts in the Capitol and the documentary on the war wreckage Cressida and Pollux was filming. She hardly mentioned herself in those letters other than to tell him in as little word as possible that she was well.

She was far from it but it was not something she wanted to discuss, especially in a letter and she wasn't sure she wanted him to know too much about how she was coping when he had left her behind to her fate.

Of course, Effie realised that her feelings were in conflict with one another. One on hand, she found ease in knowing that she was writing it to Haymitch and on the other, she still resented him for what happened to her. It was something Dr. Aurelius had pointed out to her and it was something that she needed to work on.

Effie very much wanted to tell Haymitch of the nights she woke up in cold sweats from nightmares and the lonely nights when she fought sleep. She wanted to tell him of the hours spend by the open window of her apartment, smoking until dawn broke through.

She had caught Peeta throwing her worried looks more often than not but she had become quite adept at masking the dark circles under her eyes with concealer.

Even walking down the street became a threat to her safety. She kept this to herself just as she kept her head high and her chins up, never once giving those who harassed or ridiculed her the satisfaction that in some ways, she was affected by their words and actions. The looks and the words whispered behind her back made her skin prickled and the accusations that she was only alive because Twelve's old victor needed his pet to keep his bed warm made her blanched, never mind the fact that he was in Twelve and she was here. At some point, she even began to believe them. After all, Haymitch had never alluded to them being any more than just two persons who had sex with each other. He must have cared about her in some ways to keep her alive but with her being ridiculed every day she was finding it difficult to believe that he did.

All in all, people weren't sure what to make of her, a _Capitol_ escort who assisted the _district_ rebels and the Mockingjay. It was difficult to put her cleanly into a category – us or them – when she appeared to be _both_.

She had heard them speculating that she was only playing sides and that she would ultimately always choose whichever side that was winning. It hurt because it had always been about protecting her victors.

Effie wrapped her coat tighter around her against the strong wind. As she walked passed a group of Capitol children with lollipops in hand sitting by the one of the few remaining benches that was not destroyed in the war, she smiled at them. They returned her smile but when she looked up to see one of their mother's suspicious look, Effie hurried along.

"Have you thought of it?"

Effie sighed. This was not the first time this week Peeta had asked her this question but today, there was a certain urgency to it. He waited for an answer, neatly folding his shirts and pants into the bag in the meantime.

"I have, yes," she answered.

"And…?"

"I have given it some thought but … I don't know," she let out a breath. "There are so many things to take into account and there are just too many uncertainties."

"Nothing is ever certain. Are you worried about the lack of shops for you to patronize?"

Peeta was teasing, of course. He knew that she was not that shallow to worry about such things when there are more pressing issues on hand.

"Obviously," Effie deadpanned, her eyes twinkling. "You know I only wear the best and if your district does not provide…"

It made him laugh and she liked that he was a little more at ease lately.

"But really, you don't have to worry so much. It is a free country now and we can stay wherever we want. People won't think it odd if they were to see you in a district."

"Not if it's Twelve," she said quietly. "Why do you want to return to Twelve, Peeta? You said it yourself, we can stay where we choose to."

She already knew the answer, of course, but she wanted to hear it out loud from him and know that despite everything, he had never wavered in his feelings for Katniss. It warmed her heart to know that something so pure still survived through it all.

"Katniss," he answered earnestly. "She's…. She's home."

Effie wondered what that was like, to find a home in someone. A home, to her, had always been a place where she could toe off her shoes and relax, some place where she can shed the pretenses of being an escort.

"It will be nice to get away from all this for a little while, wouldn't it?" Peeta went on. "I – I know it is getting to you, Effie. You might keep it from me but I _know_. You're not sleeping and you'd come in this hospital room every day looking over your shoulder, a little shaken. I noticed but I didn't want to press."

She kept her silence. Peeta had always been observant and she was fooling herself thinking she could shelter it from him.

"What would you have here once I'm gone? What would you do with yourself?"

That question was like a blow to her chest. She had never been good alone and without Peeta, she would be on her own.

"You will have us there. Twelve is not much. It is not the Capitol but…We're there," Peeta sat at the edge of his hospital bed, looking at her. "What are you really afraid of?"

There were countless things but the ones that featured prominently was the fact that she was District Twelve's escort.

"For one, I do not think I will be welcomed there. I have reaped countless of Twelve's children. I will not be a face they want to see so soon."

"You _were._ Besides, from the looks of it, you don't feel welcomed here either. Here, there, what's the difference, you have to start somewhere."

"Where will I stay?"

"Do you really think that is an issue?" Peeta countered. "I have a house. It is still standing, same as Katniss' and Haymitch's. That's three houses you can choose from."

While she might have chosen Haymitch's house if the circumstances were different, that was the last place she wanted to be. She did not think she could stand being in the same house with him for hours especially so since she needed to sort out her feelings for him first. The yearning for him was in direct clash with her resentment for him. It was odd and it was a discourse she needed to get a handle on.

"What would I do there?"

"You're resourceful, you will think of something," he argued.

"Haymitch… I do not know how I feel about… "

"All these fears…" Peeta shook his head and stepped closer to clasp her hands. "Let me ask you something. What would you do if you weren't afraid? What would you do if you know you cannot fail?"

That caught her attention. She had never considered it that way.

"You can start with a visit, hmm? Perhaps a week or two, and if you do not like Twelve, well… You can always visit Annie and Johanna," Peeta grinned. "If you don't get out of the Capitol to broaden your options, you will be stuck here forever."

"Yes," she agreed and shuddered at the thought of being trapped in this city with people constantly pointing at her. "I can do that."

* * *

 _Next week, we'll get back into Haymitch's head but in the meantime, leave a review and share your thoughts on this chapter._

 _a/n: as I won't be in Singapore next Saturday, you will only get one chapter on the sunday instead of two. :)_


	5. Hello

**_Hello_**

 _"Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don't stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just…start."_ — Ijeoma Umebinyuo

* * *

The opened letters littered his coffee table. Haymitch had read them multiple times, sometimes sober and other times squinting in the dead of night trying to find hidden messages between her words to _truly_ know how she was doing there in the city.

He needed to know that she was doing well or that she might have understood why he did what he did by leaving her in the Capitol during the Rebellion. She kept her letters clean of any mention of herself however. It made him wish that he could talk to her and hear her voice because then it would be easier for him to pick up on any hints on her well-being.

A new letter came the day before which meant by his estimation, she had probably written it a week ago. It sang the same tune – Peeta was recovering well and his memories are sharper even if he was still struggling with certain memories of Katniss, the roads in the City were being cleared away and that she had found a quicker, quieter route from the hospital to her apartment which shortened her commute down by ten minutes. He read that sentence twice, his mind coming up with possibilities on why Effie would want to use a quieter road and the one that made the most sense was that she was trying to avoid meeting people.

There was something new as well. She mentioned about Cressida and Pollux in her letter and _that_ caught his attention. He remembered Pollux from Katniss' team, an Avox whose family had paid the Capitol to get him a transfer out of the underground. The memory that stood out prominently was that he had seen Pollux communicating with his brother which was _exactly_ what Haymitch was looking for.

"Good job, sweetheart," he muttered even if she had no idea what he was up to and the mention was a mere coincident.

Hearing the front door open, Haymitch craned his neck to get a better look. Sae walked in and when she saw that he was awake said, "Girl's gone hunting."

He nodded, relieved to hear that. It had taken days and weeks to get Katniss to even react to them. The girl spent hours catatonic on some days and on others, merely wanted to stay in bed. There had been progress since, slow though they may be but to Haymitch any measure of progress was still progress and he would take it. For the past week, Katniss had gone hunting twice without any of them having to prompt her into doing _something_ and _that_ was a victory to Haymitch.

He stood up to relieve the old woman off the basket she was carrying as she approached. It would have his and Katniss' lunch and dinner.

"I'll walk you back," Haymitch offered.

She peered at him in surprise. "Ain't drunk today, are we?"

"Nah, saving the liquor," Haymitch muttered.

Johanna was sending him a few bottles but like Effie's letter, it would still take a while to reach District Twelve so he needed to ration his supplies carefully.

"How are you, m'boy?"

Haymitch walked next to her, mindful to keep his steps slow and to her pace.

"Surviving," he answered and changed the topic. "You ever thought you'd be back here?"

"Of course," Sae chuckled. "Where else would I go? Spent all my life here, nowhere else is for me."

The main path from Victor's Village to what used to be the Seam had been cleared but still, Haymitch held Greasy Sae by her arm as he steered them safely towards the direction of her house.

"Didn't like Thirteen, eh?" Haymitch asked.

"Does anyone like that district?"

They shared a laugh at the memory of Thirteen's rigid schedule and policies. He left her at her newly built house and with a wave at Sae and her granddaughter, he parted ways.

Haymitch made his way towards the train station where a temporary post office had been set up and dropped off the letters he had written earlier.

"Effie Trinket in the Capitol and... Pollux in District Three?" the person asked to confirm.

"Yep," Haymitch nodded. "If this doesn't reach Pollux, send it to Beetee Latier in District Three. He will know where Pollux is."

Since Beetee was in-charge of technology and by that extension the technology used for the filming of the post-war wreckage Cressida and Pollux were doing under Plutarch Heavensbee's directorship, then Beetee would know where to find Pollux or Plutarch.

With that chore done, he made his way back and swung by the Town Centre. He had wandered this way once in a while since his return but since he was usually inebriated, he was not of much help to the cleaning efforts. He didn't think he could stand to help remove the burnt bodies from the fire bomb Snow had dropped when he had blamed himself for it. The guilt was still raw.

Standing at the edge of the Town Centre, he began to note the changes. People were coming back with most of them being of Sae's age group. He supposed, like her, they knew nowhere else to go. With the open-gate policy, he also noticed new faces, people from the rebuilding team Paylor had set up once she was appointed interim president and people like the Hawthornes and Iris Everdeen who was looking for somewhere new and in a different district to start their lives

Most of the rubbles in the Town Square had been cleared but it was at the moment, cordoned off for construction. The ground had to be evened out and cemented before it will be deemed safe for public use.

Walking towards the direction of a group of men hauling slabs of stone on wheelbarrows, Haymitch decided to lend a hand.

It felt good to work, to feel his muscles stretching and feel the sweat running down his back. It was almost a sweet relief to not have to think about Katniss coping without her sister or Peeta recovering in the hospital or Effie learning to live in the City or Johanna and Annie dealing with the pregnancy without Finnick. He lost himself in the moment and focused on what needed to be done.

Somehow, during that time, he managed to make small talks and came to know of two men whose brother and sister had been taken and punished as an Avox. To date, they had no idea of their fate but they were hoping to get them back home. Haymitch mentally filed this information for later use.

By the time they called it a day, the sun was slowly dipping in the horizon. The men asked if he would be back tomorrow and while he made no promises, he did say that he would try. When he crossed the threshold of Victor's Village, Haymitch perched himself on the fountain.

The water in the fountain had long stopped working and he figured he could get one of the men to help and fix it again one of these days. He had always liked this feature simply because when he was young, before he won his Games, he used to sneak his brother into the Village and Lief had made wishes on the fountain as the angels looked down upon him.

As he sat there to catch his breath, he noticed the light in the distance. A third house in the Village, Peeta's house to be exact.

Haymitch hurried over.

Effie's latest letter had mentioned that Dr. Aurelius was looking at discharging Peeta home but that was it. If he was truly here, he must have arrived while Haymitch was helping out in Town. He glanced at Katniss' house as he passed by, wondering if the girl had met him already.

Then his eyes fell on the freshly dug earth on Katniss' front yard. Someone had been doing gardening and he knew it could never be Katniss.

He went onwards towards Peeta's house still.

"Peeta," he called out. He knocked once in passing before turning the handle when the answer was too slow to come. "You here?"

Haymitch turned the corner of the hallway sharply, intending to head to the living room, when he collided hard with someone. He vaguely noticed that the clash was accompanied by a surprised scream.

"Shit," he breathed out, his hand shot out to the wall to steady himself. "Sorry."

He turned towards the person and when he saw who was in front of him, Haymitch smiled.

"Sweetheart," he reached out to touch her arm as she righted herself up. "Good to see you."

"Haymitch," she shook her head the second she realised who it was. "It is rude to come in uninvited."

He let his hand fall to his side. "I knocked."

"Still, you should wait before being invited in."

She stood in front of him a little stiffly as if she wasn't sure what to make of them being here alone together. They had long abandoned formality with each other and in that moment, he couldn't help but feel as if they were on an unfamiliar ground. Something had clearly shifted during their time apart. He held himself back from the need to touch her again.

"I didn't know you'd be here," he told her truthfully. "I was looking for Peeta."

"He left for Katniss' house. He hasn't been back yet. He was released yesterday night and he… He asked me along."

"And you came?"

The question was laced with bitterness. He had asked her all those weeks ago and she had declined but she had also used Peeta being in the hospital as an excuse to stay.

"He said I should visit," she told him quietly. "Johanna and Annie are on my list, too. I will visit them when I can."

 _A visit,_ he sighed. She wasn't here to stay then and disappointment he felt was unexplainable. They had never talked about them being anything and they had certainly never talked about their plans after the war simply because on his part, he never thought he would be alive to have anything planned but when they had both survived, he had asked her to come with him. He had assumed that if she accepted it would be to stay here in Twelve… with him or not, as long as she was nearby. They had too much history together for them to pretend otherwise.

"You needed to get out of the Capitol, too," he stated and waited for her to refute.

"I supposed."

"Well," he shrugged. "This is a start."

Who was he trying to convince, he mused. But her being her was still _something_ , he thought.

"A visit's … good enough for me," he offered her a smile. "Small steps, yeah? You gotta start somewhere with what you have, right?"

She tilted her head to the side, trying to understand what he wanted from her. In the end, she returned a tentative smile and said nothing else.

* * *

 _It'll make my day to read your reviews!_


	6. Making Conversations

_Making Conversations_

 _"How do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul?"_ — Nikita Gill.

With Peeta home, breakfast actually became a practice instead of a meal that Katniss and Haymitch frequently skipped. For the first time since Haymitch brought Katniss home, her kitchen island was laden with breads, muffins and homemade jams.

"Can you pass the marmalade, please?" Effie requested.

At the sound of her voice, Haymitch glanced up and realised that the question was directed at him. His hand was full holding a cup of coffee and a teaspoon in the other so he popped the teaspoon in his mouth, leaned over to grab the jar and handed it to her.

As he pulled the spoon out of his mouth to continue stirring his coffee, Katniss shot him a disgusted look, not that he noticed because he was still staring at Effie.

She had been here nearly a week and throughout the time, she treated him with polite civility which was expected from any well-mannered, civilised person. He missed her warmth, their banter which more often than not turned flirty in seconds and their vicious arguments, granted an argument was the last thing he wanted right now. He thought it might be even better if she was outright _cold_ with him. At least then, he would know where he stood.

"So, Haymitch, you'll be at the Town Square today?" Peeta asked.

He forced his gaze away from Effie to look at the Peeta. "Yeah, guess so. You?"

"Yes," he answered.

Peeta had found it helpful to immerse himself with the rebuilding as well, claiming it was a community effort and he would very much liked to play his part. The first two days after his return, he had gone straight to working on Katniss' garden, planting primroses and other flowers. Then he began to notice that there were days in which Haymitch was not around so he started following his mentor. Peeta often dropped by with a basket filled with muffins and pastries for the volunteers and workers, and then he would help where he was needed.

"We are laying bricks today," Peeta informed both Katniss and Effie. "Some of the houses in the old part of the Seam are up with very basic amenities but at least there is a roof over their heads. It is not going fast enough from what I heard but the district also need shops if we are going to go on living so we need the Town to be sorted within the week. That's the focus for today and the following days, isn't it, Haymitch?"

"Yeah," Haymitch answered simply.

"I heard there will be a vote to elect a mayor here..." Effie chimed in.

"Oh, yeah," Haymitch nodded. "Not sure when that'll be but should be soon."

"What about the rumour that instead of coal, our focused trade might now be medicine?" Peeta queried.

Haymitch shrugged.

"One thing at a time. First get the houses up then a place we can buy and sell and then we can focus on whatever else we need to boost the district's economy."

"Maybe _you_ should be mayor," Katniss remarked. "You seem to have a good idea of what we need."

Haymitch chuckled and waved it off.

"Never crossed my mind. I'll leave that to someone younger and with more ambition. Besides, I have something else to occupy my time," Haymitch said.

"Really?" Katniss asked sceptically.

"Speaking of which, I might head off to see if I can salvage any old books at the library ground. Beetee and Plutarch are sending some over my way as well so I'll swing by the train station – be back in the evening."

"Old books?" Katniss frowned. "What for?"

"Something," Haymitch said simply. "Got a plan – nothing concrete yet."

Since Paylor had told him that his suggestion had merit and since no one had volunteered to take up the task with the avoxes, she was willing to let Haymitch helm the rehabilitation programme. This meant that he needed to put something together. He already had an idea of the direction he intended to take and among the first thing he realise he needed to tackle was to give the avoxes back their ability to communicate. That was where the books came in. Pollux and his brother must have learnt to sign from somewhere and by that logic, there must be books on it. While waiting for word from Pollux, he figured he should get a head start on that on his own.

"So…" Haymitch said, taking a bite off his muffin, "what are you up to today, sweetheart?"

Her gaze cut sharply to him. She seemed startled that his question was directed at her, as if the very idea that he would take interest in her plans was unheard of.

"I … I have nothing planned."

"Yeah?" he raised an eyebrow. "You always have a plan or something."

"I was thinking that if Sae wants my help with her… She is planning on opening a small restaurant and I thought I could help. Otherwise, I'll think of something else."

"Ah, alright," Haymitch leaned back in his chair. "Don't stay cooped up in that house all day long. It ain't good."

It was something he noticed. She spent more hours in than out, and when she actually ventured out, it was usually to take walks with Peeta in the evening or for meals at Katniss' house. Apart from them, Sae and her granddaughter's coming and going was the only other social contact she had.

Haymitch wasn't sure how long her visit in Twelve was going to last or what her arrangement with Peeta was. He wasn't sure if she was going to be here tomorrow or the week after. He wasn't sure if he was going to wake up the next morning and find that she had left for District Four to visit Annie and Johanna. He wasn't even sure if 'visiting' meant that she had left the Capitol for good, and if she did, then where would she stay?

The only thing Peeta had told him when he asked was that Effie was looking for a fresh start.

He supposed the only thing he could do was the take one day at time where Effie was concerned. Right now, she was here and that was all that mattered. He liked that Katniss, Peeta and Effie were all in the same place where he could keep an eye out for them. It would be perfect if Annie and Johanna were here too but that would be asking for too much.

He just wished… He just wished that she would _talk_ to him, not this thing where he ask a question and she answer, and nothing else. If she was still angry, he would rather she screamed at him because right now, sitting here and sharing breakfast with her felt too much like having a meal with a stranger.

"Paylor's swearing is in today," Peeta reminded them. "We should all try to be back for dinner for that."

"Dawn of a new era," Haymitch remarked.

"Does this mean that the situation in the Capitol has stabilised enough for them to finally hold the inauguration? It's been – what? – almost two months since she was elected…" Katniss mused.

"Even if the Capitol's still in a mess, they need to hold it soon. There is a need to make it official to keep the stability in the country. Paylor's head of the government now and the people need to see that."

"Effie had a hand in choosing Paylor's outfit," Peeta broke the news, looking at Effie encouragingly as if to give her an opening for which she could talk.

"Oh, really?" Haymitch turned towards her.

"It is nothing too extravagant," she said. "Plutarch merely summoned me to the Presidential Mansion to get my opinion on which outfit would be suitable. It took less than a day."

"That's good – it means your opinion matters," Haymitch pointed out.

"Yes, I supposed."

Haymitch let out a breath and exchanged a glance with Peeta who shook his head imperceptibly.

When did conversations with Effie become so difficult? It was easy before. They always knew what to say to each other. They also always knew which buttons to push to anger the other. She knew him like no one else did.

He knew he needed to stop grumbling. He needed to give her time. From where she was standing, he had all but betrayed her and if someone had betrayed _him,_ he sure as hell wouldn't be sitting on the same table as the said person to have breakfast together.

 _She needs time_ , he told himself.

What was important was that she was here. He would take this win.

* * *

 _Do you think Haymitch has a right to feel frustrated that Effie's not as friendly and warm with him as she used to? Effie's civil and making an effort by being present for meals so that's a point for her :) Tell me your thoughts!_


	7. Generation War

Generation War

 _Hope is like a harebell trembling from its birth. - Christina Rossetti_

* * *

The Village seemed different at night.

There was a lone street lamp at the front gate leading into the Village. Since the district was still struggling with electricity, most of it was routed to the Town Centre and to people's home. Ensuring that the streets in the district had enough lights was still work in progress and that solitary lamp casting a dim glow over the village was something they should all be thankful for.

Above her, the sky was littered with stars which in a way helped. That night, Effie wandered out to the porch, a small kerosene lamp in hand.

She settled down on the white rattan chair with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, staring at the sky.

"Can't sleep?" asked a familiar voice, calling from across.

Effie search for him in the dark, bringing the lamp closer to her eyes. "Haymitch?"

"Yeah, right here," he waved.

She saw his figure approaching Peeta's house and watched him as he climbed the stairs up the porch before sitting down on the top step to lean against the bannister.

"So, can't sleep?" he asked, propping his hand on his bend knee.

"No," Effie answered. "You can't either?"

"Was about to try when I saw your light. It got me curious. Had to make sure you ain't some robber."

"Oh," her eyes widened. "I apologise for that. I – I do not like the dark so I brought this with me to – "

"It's fine. I get it."

Effie pressed her lips together to stop the rambling. Of course he understood. The nurses and doctors from Thirteen had likely told him the state she was in after she was extracted from her cell or the hysterics she threw when her room was dark during her recovery phase. She wondered if there was anything else that he knew. She had not talked to him about her time in the Capitol's prison but she supposed, he knew a thing or two from the nights he spent next to her bed at the hospital after she was rescued. She knew he was keeping vigil because Johanna had told her the same since he was always seemed to make himself scarce when she was awake.

"You – uh – you want to talk 'bout it? Whatever that's keepin' you up at night?"

At his offer, she chanced a glance in his direction. He was looking at her intently and with a sincerity that startled her.

"Not particularly," Effie declined, her fingers tracing the pattern sown on her dress. "It's a peaceful night, don't you think? I do not wish to ruin it by giving more thought to the nightmares."

She heard him let out a breath.

"Fair enough."

Her gaze traced the flight path of an owl as it soared and perched itself on a nearby branch. The hoot from the owl made Effie tilt her head in amazement.

"Have you ever woken up one day and not recognise your own life?"

The question was asked quietly and she felt his stare boring into the back of her head. Effie turned them to look at him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "After my Games and then again when my family was murdered."

"What do you do then?" Effie pressed out of curiousity because these feeling that her life was not her own was quite overwhelming at the moment.

She never thought that she would one day be sitting out by the porch in the middle of the night listening to an owl hooting with Haymitch Abernathy. It had not once crossed her mind that she would be here out of the context of the Games, not that this was necessarily a bad thing but it was just not something she had ever considered.

"Your either crack or you get over it. You get past the hump to whatever's beyond, y'know? I broke and then tried to hold the little pieces together just enough to survive."

"I don't imagine that it'll be easy to get over something like this," she whispered and as she closed her eyes, memories of her time as a prisoner flashed in her mind's eyes.

"It's not," Haymitch agreed. "It's easier to give in and drown."

At that, she turned her head sharply towards him, piercing him with a stare.

"You're too fucking stubborn to go under, sweetheart. Much too stubborn. That's why you're here, yeah? You're trying to put the pieces together. You're tryin' to heal and that's good. It's not going to be easy and you ain't gonna get it done overnight."

Her hand fluttered to hair and she tucked a wayward strand behind her ear, unsure what to make of Haymitch giving her unprompted advice.

"Take your time, Effie. You want to heal then you should do it right. Don't rush it."

It was the use of her name and to hear this rarity coming from him that made her want to reach out to touch him. Her fingers twitched only for her to clasp her hands together on her lap.

"Take your time," he reiterated. "We're always gonna be here. _I'm_ always gonna be here."

"I know," she acknowledged. "Do you want to try and get some sleep?"

"You're gonna be okay out here?"

"Yes," she offered him a faint smile.

For a while, he merely look at her as if he wasn't quite buying what she said but then, he gave her a nod, squeezed her knee lightly and pulled himself up.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

She watched him walk back towards his house until his silhouette was swallowed by the darkness. Effie was aware that he did not sleep that night because she noticed him at the window every other hour to check on her until finally, the sun rose in District Twelve.

XxX

When the phone call came - and Effie was thankful that the Communication Tower went up a few days before, restoring the phones in most of the outskirt districts – it threw the four of them in a state.

"How fast can we get to Four?" Haymitch asked, propping his hands on his hips as he waited for someone to give an estimate.

" _I_ can't go," Katniss reminded. "I'm confined in Twelve until further notice by the President."

Everyone in the room froze. Peeta shot Effie a guilty look, having completely forgotten about the terms of Katniss' release from the Capitol.

"This is bullshit. I need to speak to Paylor 'bout giving you access to travel for a visit at the very least," Haymitch muttered, the gears in his mind already turning and plotting.

"We're not getting that permission anytime soon before Annie gives birth," Katniss flopped down on the sofa ungracefully, "so you might as well go ahead without me."

"I might be able to call Dr. Aurelius," Effie spoke. At the curious, interested look Katniss and Peeta were giving her, she continued, "his words might lend some weight to give Katniss the permission for a brief visit. I could even… I can suggest that the visit will be good for you. Or… that you wish to see your mother," she added as she tried to mask the expression on her face.

She was still of the opinion that mothers should _never_ abandon their children.

"You're in contact with him?"

To others, Haymitch's question seemed genuinely curious but she had learnt to read him after all these years and there was more to it. He wanted to know if _she_ was receiving treatment from the doctor as well.

"Yes, of course. He calls to check on Peeta _and_ to get whatever updates he could on Katniss," she deflected his question and turned towards the girl, "you really need to answer his calls more frequently, dear."

Thankfully for her, Peeta said nothing to dispute her. It was not something she was worried about either. If her own therapy sessions were something she wanted to keep close to her heart, then Peeta would not betray her confidence.

"If Katniss can't go then I can't either," Haymitch said. "Looks like it's just gotta be you and Peeta 'cause he ain't in any state to be responsible for Katniss on his own yet. No offense, boy."

"None taken," Peeta muttered.

"Oh, the headache," Effie sighed. "Let me talk to Dr. Aurelius and see what comes of it."

It took them half a day to get the green light from the Capitol which left Haymitch muttering darkly under his breath about the war being won and yet they _still_ had to go through the Capitol.

It also came with a silver lining that pacified Haymitch in a way. President Paylor sent a hovercraft to Twelve claiming that _'we must always look out for each other'_ , and Effie gathered that that had something to do with upholding a victor's honour.

The hovercraft landed on the green of the Village that very afternoon. Katniss and Peeta filled the trip with mindless chatter for which Effie was thankful. Haymitch on the other hand was staring resolutely out of the window, tuning everyone out. When they finally touched down in District Four, he lingered behind to take in the sight of the ocean on his left and the houses further to his right.

Effie slowed down so they could walk together, a fact that surprised him.

"Katniss will not be confined in Twelve forever," she comforted, returning the favour he had given to her the night before on the porch. "She will get better. Then you'll be - "

"Free?" he scoffed sardonically as they walked towards the hospital. "Doesn't matter. She's my responsibility."

The hospital stood out bright against the night sky. Two ambulances were parked at the side of the entrance with a few people milling outside of the building, smoking. Effie slipped her hand into the pocket of her coat to feel the familiar pack of cigarettes there.

As they entered with Katniss and Peeta ahead of them, the group received several startled and curious looks from the other visitors. Effie averted their gazes and looked straight ahead, well-aware that to some, it was odd to see her still in the company of the three victors well after the Games were over.

"You okay?" Haymitch asked.

"Yes," she forced a smile on her face only to let it slide away when they entered the elevator where they were once again alone.

She released a breath.

"Finally," Johanna greeted them with a huff when they elevator doors opened to reveal them. "You fucking took forever."

"We apologise," Effie said, "but there were administrative matters that had to be dealt with."

Before Johanna could say anything to that, Haymitch cut in, "What's the update?"

"How far apart are her contractions?" Effie queried.

Katniss and Peeta stood dutifully next to her, listening but not interrupting the conversation.

"13 hours ago when I called, it was 20 minutes apart. Now, it's about 5 minutes. That's what the nurse said. Guess the kid's coming soon."

Peeta broke into a smile at the thought of meeting Annie's son.

"You look exhausted," Katniss pointed out.

"Good observation," Johanna muttered sarcastically. "I'm fucking exhausted. I've been trying to deal with Annie moaning in pain since this morning, and uh... I might have snapped at her at some point. Didn't mean to. The nurse sent me off."

Effie saw the frown on Haymitch's face and the rebuke that was about to form so she stepped in before the situation grew tense.

"Peeta," she turned towards him, "can you see to it that Johanna has something to eat? I do not think she has had any since Annie went into labour. I'll check in on Annie and let her know that we are all here. Katniss, would you like to come along? I'm sure Annie will be thrilled to see you."

Katniss blinked at that unexpected instructions and shrugged. Haymitch, she saw, stood there a little uncertain. She had not given him anything to do and in her memory, this would be the first time in a long time since his brother was born that he was faced with childbirth.

Effie touched his hand briefly to get his attention. His gaze shifted to her.

"When the baby is born, Annie might need help with the paperwork. Will you be able to help with the birth registration?"

"Sure, yeah, 'course," he said in a beat. "What do you need me to do in the meantime?"

"I think Johanna could use some company. Why don't you go with Peeta and Johanna? Once she's eaten something, see to it that she tries to get some rest."

"Don't coddle me, Trinket," Johanna rolled her eyes but there was no malice in her voice. "I want to be there for the birth. I promised her that."

"And you will," Effie assured. "I will send Katniss to get you when it is time. Now go."

The sight of Effie and Katniss brought a smile to the exhausted woman's face. Effie rushed forward and without a word, wiped the perspiration from Annie's forehead.

"You made it," Annie whispered.

"Of course. I assured you that I will and I always try to keep my promises."

Katniss sat through the experience bravely, allowing Annie to squeeze her hand each time a contraction hit.

"Do you think I'm crazy to imagine Finnick standing in a corner and watching over me?" Annie asked between breaths.

"No, not at all," Effie brushed her hair back. "He will always watch over you and his child."

The moment the doctor announced that Annie was dilated enough, Johanna came to replace Katniss. The young woman glanced at Effie, her brown eyes were wide with anxiety and anticipation.

"It will be alright. Hold her hand," Effie gestured.

For once, Johanna had nothing snarky to say and dutifully followed the instructions.

"You listen to the nurse – whatever she tells you to do, you do it," Johanna muttered to which Annie nodded.

The grunts and screams came one after another, and Effie tried hard to push thoughts of tortured scream from her mind. This was a different kind of scream. This was a scream from the pain of child birth, not one that stemmed from cruelty.

Johanna's attention was focused on Annie, her brows crinkling together as she held Annie's hand.

"Come on, Annie. Get it over and done with, one push that's all it fucking takes."

Johanna's form of encouragement was unorthodox and far from soothing but Effie said nothing to it knowing very well that some part of Johanna was afraid. She had lost her best friend in the war. His wife and his unborn child was all that remained of him, and if she lost Annie, it would devastate her.

The unexpected wailing drew a startled look from both Johanna and Effie as they promptly fell silent. Slowly, Effie started laughing in relief and Johanna sagged on the chair, her hand still clasped in Annie's.

"You did it," Effie whispered, proud as any friend could be.

She kissed her forehead and left the room to break the news to the others.

The hands on the clock ticked by and time stretched before they were all finally given the permission to see both mother and child. They crowd around the bed to see Annie, exhausted from her ordeal but sporting a smile all the same.

Annie held the baby steadily in her arms. Her eyes sparkled with pride at her son in a way that made Effie's heart swell. This was the same woman that Panem was quick to label as crazy after her Games. This was the same woman the Capitol had captured as a pawn for Finnick and dismissed as too inconsequential to be a threat but here she was cradling her child protectively. Effie knew without a shadow of doubt that Annie would protect the baby with everything she has and it would be foolish for anyone to underestimate her in that sense.

She glanced up at Johanna and then very gently, held out the new-born child to her. Effie had never seen Johanna this careful and gentle but she treated the child she was holding like crystal and when the baby blinked his eyes open, Johanna never took off her gaze, enthralled by the sight.

She traced the bridge of his nose and muttered a brief hello before she looked up and caught Effie's gaze. She moved forward, her intentions clear, not at all expecting Effie to step back and away from her.

Effie only stopped when she felt Haymitch's hand at the small of her back.

"No running," he said the words quietly so only she heard it.

"I will taint him."

"Bullshit," Haymitch muttered. "That's your past. This is now."

His remarked left her slightly disconcerted, surprised that somehow he knew without her having to tell him the reason she was hesitant.

When Effie finally held him, letting the weight of the baby ground her in the moment, she slowly became aware of Haymitch standing close her behind her. He peered at the baby over her shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, turning her head a little to the right towards him.

Haymitch did not answer right away. Instead, he stretched his arm so that he could touch the baby. Effie's breath hitched at his action once she realised that in doing so, he had unconsciously pressed his chest to her back as though he was hugging her.

"Hope," he mumbled low under his breath. The crease between his brows disappeared the moment Finn closed his fingers around Haymitch's own. "A new generation…that might give us a reason to hope."

"A new generation without the Games and war," Effie agreed. "Unlike us."

* * *

 _This chapter's longer than the usual and the next few chapters will be equally long, if not longer. So hold on tight!_

 _Quite a few things happened in this chapter so tell me your thoughts about the conversation Hayffie had on the porch or if you like the scene in Four with Finn's birth :) Reviews are like candies so give me some._


	8. The Monster Wakes

_I know it is not the weekend but nonetheless, enjoy this weekday update (bc I am excited for you to read chap 9 next weekend!) :)_

 ** _The Monster Wakes_**

 _"_ _I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I'm not. No one ever really gets used to nightmares."_ ― **Mark Z. Danielewski** , **House of Leaves**

* * *

Despite Peeta's openly curious look, Haymitch dropped on the chair without a word.

"Well?" Peeta prompted when nothing was forthcoming.

"It went fine," he muttered an answer which, to Effie, failed to shed light on the situation.

"You sure? Then where's Katniss?"

"Gone. She needed to clear her head, get some air."

"So it did not go as well as expected," Effie lamented, peering at him.

"Were we expecting the meeting with her mother to even go well?" Haymitch snapped before he let out a breath when he saw the indignant look on Effie's face. Effie did nothing wrong and she shouldn't have to bear the brunt of it. "Sorry," he muttered. "It went... It was..."

He sighed and slumped further in his seat, reaching into his pocket for his silver flask.

Meeting Iris Everdeen had been emotionally exhausting. For a long time during the meeting, no one had said a word, not Katniss and certainly not her mother. He had only agreed to come along at Katniss' request and he was more than content to keep to himself except the silence had stretched on until he reminded them that _someone_ had to say _something._

Somehow, that was a trigger and Iris had cried then, small quiet sniffles and Katniss had thrown him a pleading look, ill-equipped as she was to deal with such emotions coming from her mother.

How he had ended up holding Iris to him in a comforting embrace until she was calm enough to talk was a blur to him. Katniss had listened quietly then as her mother explained the reason she couldn't bring herself to return – all reasons that Haymitch and Katniss had guessed months ago.

"He's taking care of me," Katniss had informed her mother then.

And he thought the girl was being generous.

He had left her to her own devices the first few days after their return only to visit just so he could remind her that she needed to shower and move about before her muscles atrophy from being in a place for too long without use. It had taken a few more days but she did shower and moved around. Or at least, he had found her staring into space at different places in the house. It had been work in progress, even now.

"Peeta is back, too. Effie came with him so... The Village is not so quiet. We're getting by."

"Good," Iris had nodded her head. She extricated herself from his arms to rest her palm on her daughter's cheek. "I know it must have crossed your mind that I have abandoned you. I - "

"Mom," Katniss firmly cut her off right then. "I get it. I _get_ it. The house reminds you too much of Prim and you can't just... But it's because that it reminds me of Prim that I... that I don't mind being back there."

Haymitc had raised his eyebrow at that, not that any of them noticed.

A part of him understood Katniss – she needed to be close to the only reminder of her sister that she had left and that was in District Twelve, in a house that Prim had stayed in for a short while. Another part of him understood Iris perfectly as well. How often had he wished to flee District Twelve, a place that reminded him of his mother and brother at every corner he turned? Too often.

"Maybe... You can visit me sometimes, Katniss."

"Yeah," she had uttered without any real conviction. "If the Capitol gives me permission to travel... Effie pulled some strings for this, but yeah, if I can, I will."

It was a brief meeting, barely lasting more than half an hour before Iris had to return to the nurse station. She had made a passing remark that she might drop by Annie's house for a visit but Haymitch was not expecting it. It wouldn't be easy to see someone welcome a child into the world when one had only recently lost a child. The pain would be still too raw and too fresh for Iris.

For the rest of them, the presence of a new-born was like a breath of fresh air. Finn was far too young to know the effect he had on the adults there but he brought with him a glimmer of promise for a better future. Like he had told Effie, when he looked at the boy, he saw hope and it could be _felt_ in Annie's house.

Still, life with a new-born in the house was also something else entirely. Haymitch could only think of it as being disruptive but to be fair, he was not in his own house which was the likely reason he was not feeling comfortable.

Annie had insisted that they all stay together and while he appreciated her hospitality, six people in a house was six too many for him.

The beach became a place of reprieve when it gets too much in Annie's house. He enjoyed spending this time walking by the beach, something that he could not do back in Twelve. Sometimes, he would see Effie strolling by, barefoot and with her toes in the sand; at times alone, other times with Peeta or Johanna, surprisingly.

Once or twice, he thought of joining her whenever he caught her alone but Effie often seemed at peace being by herself and her surrounding that it made him think twice about disrupting it. It was a rarity to see her in that state that he decided he should just leave her to it. He watched her from a distance once and it made him feel like a creeper so much so that he promptly decided to stop.

When night fell, a different story emerged, a different Effie; one who was agitated and restless.

If there was one thing he grasped quickly was that having a new-born was a good excuse to hide that fact Effie Trinket was not sleeping.

The first night after Annie brought Finn home, he found her pacing the hall only to freeze when she realised that she was not alone.

"His crying woke me up," she explained and he had believed her because it had kept _him_ awake for the most part as well.

But on the third day, he was beginning to see through her bluff and called her out on it - a mistake, because she became defensive.

"You are not sleeping either," she retorted. "You are here, are you not?"

Haymitch shrugged. "I'm used to this."

It gave her pause. She regarded him with a contemplative tilt of her head.

"Are you also used to the nightmares?"

She demanded an answer to that with a hint of agitation in her voice. The lack of sleep was making her irritable and if this was not contained, she would spiral down from there. He would know; he had been through this before.

"You have them. I know it from the nights..." Effie trailed off. They had spent years working together during the Games for her to hear it herself whenever he experienced a nightmare and later, he had spent nights in her bed where she had learnt to deal with it first-hand. "How do you deal with it because -" she heaved and released a trembling breath, "because it's driving me up the wall. I am exhausted and I am afraid to close my eyes."

That was the first time, since she visited Twelve, that he finally glimpsed a crack in her veneer. She was always so careful to put up a front as if all was well with her and she had always been aloof about the state of her health. Now, to allow this in _his_ presence… He knew a cry for help when he saw it.

He reached for her to steer her towards the door by the elbow.

"What are you doing?"

"We're taking a walk," he said.

"It's in the middle of the night."

"Yeah, knew that," Haymitch nodded. "I've seen you taking walks by the beach and that's the only time I've seen you actually relax. Being stuck here with this many people _and_ a baby... It ain't good for you. You're scared you'll wake them up with your screamin' and you being like this," he gestured, "ain't doing anyone any favours."

"How do you - "

"Of course I know, Effs. I've been through this longer than you."

Once they reached the beach, the change in her was obvious. The tension in her shoulders lifted and she pulled her hand out of the pocket of her robe where she was no doubt clutching to her pack of cigarettes like a lifeline.

With a hand on the small of her back, Haymitch guided her past the boat house and down the steps until they stepped on the sands. She reached down to remove her footwear and he followed.

The sand was soft and cool on his feet. Next to him, Effie pulled her robe tighter to ward off against the chilly night breeze.

He walked quietly with her until on her own accord, Effie broke the silence.

"Does the alcohol truly help?"

"Does the sleeping pill help?"

She glanced at him and then admitted, "No, it doesn't. It makes me feel _trapped_ in the nightmare… I couldn't wake up from it."

"Listen, sweetheart," Haymitch guided her towards the many empty sunbed and sat her down. "Nightmares are not something anyone can ever get used to. You have to learn to deal with it instead."

She scoffed at that.

"That is easier said than done, is it not?"

"Finnick once told me that Annie dealt with hers by talking to him. That'll explain why he was the only person that could get her to calm down. I guess now, she shares it with Jo. Katniss deals with hers by having Peeta next to her or by going hunting the morning after. Having someone with you grounds you, sweetheart. There's someone there to help wake you up from it when it gets too back. Someone to… someone to remind you that the night terrors ain't real."

"You never had that," she frowned.

"Not in the beginning but then I had you," he reminded her gently. "Those nights when I fell asleep in your bed or when you slept in mine… Those were the nights that I could have more than a few hours of sleep…. Without needing to be completely drunk," he chuckled.

He saw her eyes widened imperceptibly. She never knew _that_ , he supposed, since he wasn't one to talk about it until now.

"Haymitch," she drew a breath, looking at him a little wary and in disbelief.

"No," he glanced down at his hand. "I ain't sayin' that to try and get you back in my bed. It's just the truth, somethin' I thought you needed to hear. What I'm trying to say is that there are things you can't do alone, sweetheart. I've been there," he raised his head to look into her eyes, to convey the seriousness of it. "I've tried that. It _doesn't_ work."

She averted her gaze and distracted herself by running her palm over the thin mattress of the sunbed, feeling the course material under the skin.

"How are you dealing with it _now?"_

"I drink and tried to remember how it made me feel to have you next to me. It's pathetic," he waved it off and shrugged.

"You know I'm always here," Haymitch continued before she could say anything. "I get it that you're not…that you're not okay with me now. I get it that we're not in a good place right now but you have the kids, yeah? You can talk to Peeta or Jo or Annie, even Katniss. You don't have to deal with this alone."

Effie did nothing to acknowledge his words and a small part of him ached. She kept her gaze resolutely in front of her, watching the waves washing up the shore. At this hour, late into the night, the beach was deserted. It was only the two of them and he liked it that way but right now, even with her next to him, it felt lonely. She must be feeling a lot worse.

Haymitch touched her hand, hesitant at first that she might pull it away. Her hand twitched and she glanced at him over her shoulder. There was a small smile on her face, not her usual smile but it was there nonetheless.

"Can we stay here for a little while longer?" she requested.

He would do anything for her if she asked.

"Yeah, 'course."

She leaned back so that she was half propped and watched him. He followed suit, careful to keep his arms carefully folded on his stomach. The last thing he wanted was to give her any wrong ideas about his intention.

"Thank you," she whispered in the dark.

Haymitch grunted under his breath to let her know he heard her. He wasn't exactly sure what she was thanking him for but he wasn't about to ruin this tentative moment that they had.

By morning, he woke up to find that they had fallen asleep on the sunbed and that he had an arm slung over her midsection with her hair in his face. Haymitch closed his eyes and took a deep breath, savouring this moment when he could hold her again. Once she wakes up, it would be gone.

* * *

 _How did you like the moment between Katniss and her mother or Haymitch and Effie? How will Effie react when wakes up and realises that she feel asleep with haymitch on the beach in public?_


	9. A Time to Remember

_Longest chapter ahead so far!_

* * *

 _A Time to Remember_

 _"There are all these moments you think you won't survive. And then you survive."_ — David Levithan

Effie was vaguely aware of the repetitive stroking of her hair. She stirred, finding herself enclosed in someone's arms and jolted upright. She turned sharply to look behind her shoulder - her pupils wide with her hand on her chest - to see Haymitch slowly pushing himself up to a sitting position.

"Sorry," he muttered for startling her, she supposed. "Don't run off. Sit and watch this."

The small pressure of his hand between her shoulder blades was reassuring in that moment and she felt the warmth spreading to her skin. Her heart ached. For years she had yearned for the comfort of his touch and now that he was giving it freely to her, a part of her wanted to shy away from the hands that had failed to pull her with him to the safety of District Thirteen.

"Watch," he gestured behind her when she was still staring at him with that slightly alarmed look on her face.

Turning her face towards the shoreline, she saw that the sky had taken on a pale yellow hue and then slowly, as the time ticked, it grew in brightness and intensity.

"Sunrise," she breathed in amazement.

"Yeah, new day."

"What was it that Katniss once said?"

"About the sun? Something 'bout the sun persist in rising...?" He clarified to which she nodded. " _The sun persists in rising so I make myself stand."_

"That is quite something, isn't it?" Effie hummed quietly. "To never giving up..."

"To never giving up," he echoed that sentiment, and it surprised her when he pressed a chaste kiss to her bare shoulder before pulling the robe that had slipped off back to cover the skin.

Effie fretted, bunching the robe on her lap together in her hands. He was tender and gentle, and it was glaringly obvious that he was making considerable effort to be nice to her but she _hated_ the way he sometimes treated her like she might break, the way he was doing now. This Haymitch was a man she did not understand. She understood the man who took what he wanted from her; the one who would back her against the wall and kissed her until her lips bruise, leaving her breathless and wanting more; the one who would annoy her on purpose; the one who would have told her to get over whatever it was she was anxious about. He was brusque and brash and _honest._

It felt too much like a front now. A rational part of her knew that with the Games and war over, this could be the person he really was underneath it all. No, she _knew_ he could be this way because she had seen him showed genuine care and concern over Katniss and Peeta, over Johanna and Annie. Chaff's and Finnick's death had ate away at him. Haymitch cared deeply even if he did not make an open gesture of it.

She was just afraid that he might not care about her the way she had cared about him. She had trusted him only to be let down. She was worried that he was only acting this way because of his guilt and if she were to absolve him of it, he would treat her the way he did before, and _that_ would shatter her.

 _Try,_ Dr. Aurelius had advised. _Anger will fester and destroy. Try to let it go._

In the end, she said nothing, not even to acknowledge that kiss. Effie rose from the sunbed and offered her hand to him, pulling him up with her. He chuckled at that and despite the wariness she felt in her heart, she managed a smile.

After their return to Twelve, neither Haymitch nor Effie ever talked about that morning by the beach but whenever she was restless at night from nightmares and wandered out to the front porch with her kerosene lamp, Haymitch would end up there with her scant minutes later.

Now that the street lights were fixed, there really was no need for the lamp but Effie continued using it regardless and by now, it had become a beacon for Haymitch to find her.

"Is the boy in there?" He asked as he climbed the steps of the porch to settle down on the additional rattan chair that Peeta had placed there. "Never seen him out here with you."

"I've told him before that it is not necessary for him to sit out here with me. He spends most of his time including his nights with Katniss and I would rather it stay that way. Being with each other is good for them and I do not wish to impose any more than necessary."

She was never alone out here. Haymitch would come each time and he would stay until she grew exhausted and retired to bed. At times, she caught him trying to stifle a yawn but he never excused himself to head home until _she_ bade him goodnight.

That night, it was different.

As he recounted to her the rebuilding and construction efforts in District Twelve and lamenting the changes that was happening, she dozed off at the sound of his voice. It wasn't that listening to him bore her but it soothed her and made her calm enough to fall asleep, the way it had been that night in District Four.

In her dreams, she felt herself being lifted; light and weightless as if nothing in this world could weigh her down. She was moving but not in a smooth, seamless manner one expected if one was flying. The movements were jerky, a step at a time, and she felt herself being shifted, as if someone was trying to even out her weight.

She opened her eyes.

"Put me down," Effie demanded immediately.

At her request, he glanced down at his arms where she was staring up at him.

"Alright," Haymitch acquiesced and once she was on her feet, he stepped back.

They looked at each other.

"Just wanted to get you to your bed," he told her. "Didn't want you sleepin' on the chair at the porch – might hurt your neck or something."

"Oh."

"Well… goodnight, sweetheart," he mumbled, already angling his body away from her and towards the door.

"You're never like this," she remarked, putting out there the very thing that had been on her mind for days.

His brows furrowed. "Never what..?"

"This," she gestured helplessly. "Walking on eggshells… Every act and move you make and do, it's as if you are afraid that it might make me… run away."

At her statement, he blinked and then looked down.

"You are always…. Haymitch, you're always so sure of yourself. You've never cared about how I – "

"Yeah well," he cut her off, not wanting to hear anymore of her observation on him.

He rubbed the back of his neck and clenched his jaws. Effie knew he was beginning to close himself off again, something he does when he was uncomfortable.

"You are not being yourself," she said. "Do you think I will break if you are a little more… you?"

"Don't know what that means," he mumbled. "I'm me, _still_. I just ain't sure how you… how you are with me. You're angry with me, I get it. I don't want to risk you being anymore mad at me – that's all. Whatever it is between us, it's already fragile enough, yeah? And I – This is unchartered water, sweetheart," he motioned at the space between them.

Effie sighed.

 _Try,_ her doctor's familiar voice whispered once more.

Haymitch was trying.

She should, too.

 _Try to let it go._

She reached out for his hand and his gaze snapped at her. When she slipped her hand in his and led him to the bedroom, she could sense his hesitation and confusion.

"Effie…"

"Come sleep with me," she said.

The abrupt stop was telling. A frown sat on his features.

"Not like that," Effie hurried to say, her cheeks turning red at the misunderstanding. "Sleep with me like… we did at the beach in Four. Hold me, _please._ "

She strode towards the bedroom, her steps purposeful before she could lose her nerves. The need to be held by Haymitch and the part of her that did not want to be touched by him was a constant war inside of her. Her heart desperately wanted it but her logical mind screamed at her to be careful.

In the confines of her bedroom, Effie placed the lamp next to her bed. Pulling the covers back, she slid in. Haymitch stood at the other side before he toed of his shoes and got in under the covers as well. She gave him a smile at that because a part of her was sure that given how careful he was acting around her, he would have slept on _top_ of the covers. Perhaps he was trying to prove a point.

"You want to …" he opened his arm out to her.

Effie inhaled and strengthened her resolved. _He is not going to betray you now. He won't hurt you._ She scooted closer to him, pillowing her head on his arm. He was on his back with a hand resting on his stomach, staring at the ceiling. Effie was on her sides facing him, her hands safely tucked between them on the mattress.

They had done this before after long, exhausting days spent during the Victory Tour. They had spent some nights in her bed in this exact position except her fingers would have been drawing random patterns on his chest, a leg hooked over his. They had been so familiar with each other's bodies. They had been so _comfortable_ with each other.

Now... They were both playing on the safe sides; learning and getting reacquainted. She had loved him and she always will but she needed to learn to _trust_ him once more especially now, when he was allowing her glimpses into his heart.

"You are right," she whispered, her voice carried in the quiet of the night. "We are in unchartered water."

Next to her, she felt him shift but to his credit, Haymitch remained. The Haymitch before this would have extricated himself and removed himself from any potential conversation where feelings and emotions were involved.

"It's been something that I have been thinking about since the war ended, and even more so since I came here."

"We should talk this out, sweetheart," he murmured, turning his head slightly to his right to look at her. "We have to."

"You are never one to talk."

"Before... When it was dangerous," he corrected her. "I want to talk now. If it's about us, then I want to talk 'bout it, alright?"

 _'Before'_ was the crux of the matter, wasn't it?

He turned to his side then so that they were facing each other on the bed. The pad of his thumb was rough against the smooth skin of her arm but the repeated movement was comforting. Under the light of the bedside lamp, his grey eyes were bright as his gaze traced her face, taking in the sight of her without her wigs and her make-up. This wasn't the first time he had seen her this way but the intensity of his gaze still left her flustered.

"Effs...?" He prompted.

"This isn't about you leaving me behind. It hurts, of course, and I felt lied to. I am _still_ trying to come to terms with it but I also understood why you did not tell me about District Thirteen or the rest of the plans with the other victors."

"Then what are you thinking about?"

"We were... We were trapped if a foxhole. We were both _trapped_ in there for _years_. I need to be sure that what we have is real and that..." Effie trailed and paused to collect her thoughts. "That it will last beyond the stress of Games, the grief and pain of common loss. I need to be sure that we were... not just using each other."

Haymitch snapped his mouth shut and in his eyes, she could see that he was furiously thinking this through.

"It started out that way, Haymitch," Effie reminded him.

"Yeah, _started_ is the key word here," he snorted. "Over the years… I thought you... I - "

"You were afraid of President Snow having leverage over you. You never had anyone else after your family and your girlfriend were... and you told me it should remain that way."

"You were there," he pointed out. "You were there, sweetheart."

"I was there, _exactly_. I was convenient."

"That's not what I meant," he sat up abruptly, pulling his arm out from under her head. He shot her a guilty look when he realised but the frustration was evident on his face. "Yeah, you were there and you were convenient but after they won… Effie, you were the only who understood - the pressure, the stress and the dangers Katniss and Peeta were in. You played your part to shield them and help them quell the fire Katniss started. You care about those kids the same as me. That ain't somethin' I share with anyone else. You understand?"

"I do not want the fact that I was the only one there to be – " Effie heaved a breath. "Haymitch, you are free. This is a different world now. There is no one to get any leverage against you, to use people you love as pressure points. You are _free."_

And she _really_ did not want him to stay tied to her just because he felt _guilty_ over what happened to her during the war.

"What are you saying?"

"There are other women," she lifted her gaze to him, slowly pushing herself up. "I've seen this district and the people coming in to resettle. You have choices, not just someone who is conveniently _there_. You might even... You might find them more to your... taste."

He laughed then; sharp and indignant.

"I don't have a _taste._ Why? Do you?"

"Surely you do," she insisted, "a type that you are partial to."

"Yeah, difficult, feisty and _stubborn_ ," he listed, looking at her pointedly. "Blonde," he wound a lock of her hair around his finger, "with eyes so blue. Someone who stands her ground... Sound familiar yet?"

Her breath hitched and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on ends. She felt warm all of a sudden and in a sudden quick movement, she snatched the hair band from the night stand to gather her hair into a messy bun, including the lock Haymitch had wound around his finger.

"You are missing my point," she told him calmly. "I want us both to be sure."

"Nah, _you_ need to be sure. I get what you're tryin' to say, sweetheart. I do. If you need to be sure and you need some time to sort it out, figure things out first then do it. I ain't going anywhere. There's no rush to … to do anything. Right? If we're going to try and have a shot at something, then I want to do it right this time."

"Even if... at the end of the day, you are not what I want?" she asked tentatively.

A muscle in his jaw ticked, his fingers curled over the covers but instead of yanking it out of the way and storming out of her room back to his house, he slowly released his grip.

"Yes," he gritted his teeth.

For years, he had been the only one she wanted. He had spoilt every other man for her. Why was he willing to wait even after she had asked him that question?

"How are you so sure about what you want?" she asked. "Or... _who_ you want."

Haymitch chuckled derisively as he rose from the bed. He went towards the window, parting the blinds to peer outside. He was buying time so Effie let him, watching him quietly from her place on the bed.

"Every night, I had nightmares about you dying," he turned, folding his arms and perched himself on the window sill, "and every morning when I wake up, I checked to make sure that _you_ weren't the one executed by Snow. When Portia was publicly executed, I thought that was it, you'd be next. I _demanded_ Coin to launch a rescue attempt to include _you._ Plutarch threatened to have me sedated just so I would get in trouble with Thirteen," he snorted. "I worried myself into a fucking state 'bout your fate, sweetheart. That was a pretty big clue."

This was the first time she was hearing any of this. He had never shared this with her. He never had a reason to until now.

"I couldn't deal being in Thirteen on my own. I wanted you there when they threw me in a room for weeks to make me quit cold turkey. I wanted you through all the withdrawals. I wanted you by my side as I dealt with Katniss and the fucking war. I _needed_ you, sweetheart."

Effie bit her lower lip. He was a proud man and to admit that he needed _her_... It was tremendous and to feel _needed_ was truly something.

"It's always been right there in front of me but it took Thirteen to make me _see_ it... to make me understand that you're more than just...someone I sleep with. You're so much more than that."

What was she supposed to say to such an admission? In the end, Effie held her hand out to him and when he took it, she pulled him towards her. Haymitch settled back on the bed and this time, she burrowed into him.

"I need time," she whispered.

"I know. Go to sleep."

XxX

Effie woke up to a sight that was achingly familiar.

Haymitch was sprawled on his stomach with a hand shoved under the pillow where he was no doubt, clutching the hilt of his knife. Being a light sleeper meant that he would stir at the slightest of movement but after years, Effie was adept at slipping out of bed without waking him up and that morning was no different.

She was buttering her toast when he entered the kitchen, his shirt wrinkled from the night he spent sleeping in it.

"Should have woken me up," he muttered. "You had any sleep at all?"

"I slept," she assured him. "I do not make breakfast as good as Peeta but you are welcomed to it."

The least she could do, she decided, was to offer him breakfast. Besides, she took pity on him, standing there in the middle of Peeta's kitchen, a little uncertain of his welcome. Effie waved him towards the stool and he sat down, nodding once at her when she poured coffee for him.

"The kids will wonder," he pointed out. "We've been havin' breakfast over at Katniss and it's not always that we're _both_ missing at the same time."

They did wonder and by lunch, they dropped in to check by which point, Haymitch had long returned to his own house.

Effie trailed after her two young charges as they made their way across to Haymitch's house. Not once had she mentioned the fact that she had indeed seen Haymitch that morning or that he had spent the night with her.

"I just hope he's not passed out drunk," Katniss muttered darkly. "He's been doing well. You noticed?"

"Yeah," Peeta agreed. "I think whatever side project he's working on, it's good on him. It keeps him occupied."

Effie listened quietly. She had all but forgotten of that project of his. He had mentioned it in passing several times but she had never asked him in detail about it. It made her curious now especially so since he had likely written to President Paylor about.

Katniss stopped just at Haymitch's gate and popped open the letter box. Effie frowned at her brazen behavior. Checking other people's mail was the height of bad manners and she was about to tell Katniss the same when the girl turned towards Peeta.

"He has it, too," she waved the golden envelope in her hand.

"What is it?" Effie asked.

"From the Capitol," Peeta explained. "It's an invitation for Remembrance Day. They're holding events and banquets to commemorate the first year anniversary of the end of the Rebellion."

Haymitch was lounging on his sofa, his silver flask in hand and a book in the other. When they came in, he shot them an annoyed look at being disturbed and shut the book, placing it face down on the table without letting any of them get a glimpse of its title.

Katniss tossed the envelope on his lap and when he was done reading, he raised his head to look at the three of them standing in his living room.

"I'm not going," he declared with a note of finality.

"I thought so," Katniss threw Peeta a smug look.

"You were considering it?" Haymitch addressed that question to Peeta. "What the hell for, boy? So they can parade the remaining Victors around? No way I'm signing up for that."

Effie took in the scene in front of her. Haymitch and Katniss was a given. They would not go and they would not change her mind. Peeta could still be swayed but the likelihood of him going without Katniss was slim.

The mention of the Capitol had set something off in her. She had not stepped foot in the City since she left with Peeta for District Twelve and the way she see it, this would be a good opportunity to see the difference and the changes in the City for herself now that a year had passed since the Capitol as she once knew it fell.

It could even be her chance to head home. As peaceful as District Four was, she did not belong there. Johanna, Annie and Finn formed a family unit of their own and she had been in Twelve long enough to know that while she could get used to life here, she was still uncertain. Peeta had never mentioned anything about having his house back – not that he would since he had more or less moved in with Katniss – but Twelve wasn't her home.

The Capitol had been the only home she knew. True, she had felt ill at ease being there immediately after the war ended but so much could have changed during the months she was gone.

She felt her eyes on him and when she sought it out, she saw Haymitch was looking at her contemplatively. Effie averted her gaze, wondering if he knew what she was thinking.

Effie thought of the night before and the talk they had. He was hoping for something that much was clear and to leave now immediately after what he had confessed to her would be too much like running away. It would shut him off again, and they would take two steps back after he had taken the courage to be truthful to her. But … She was allowed to be selfish, wasn't she? She was allowed to place herself first and think of her own needs and happiness, surely?

"Remembrance Day will still go on without any of us there, right?"

"Sure," Haymitch shrugged. "They only probably want you there so you can give a speech."

"I'm not good with that," Katniss said.

Haymitch snorted in response. "No kidding."

"Effie?" Peeta turned towards her. "You've been awfully quiet. You have any thoughts on this?"

"I – No," she forced a smile. "It is your decision ultimately. It is just an invitation after all."

"There'll be a crowd, a hell of a lot of people," Haymitch piped in but his attention was focused solely on her, as if there was a message he was trying to convey. "That's too much attention."

 _Attention…_ That was the very last thing she wanted.

In the end, they all agreed that the best thing to do would be to stay and watch the live telecast from Twelve.

At some point during Paylor's speech, Haymitch started chuckling to himself, the glass of whiskey halfway to his lips.

"Pray tell, what is so funny?" Effie glared.

There was nothing amusing about President Paylor's speech. It was beautifully crafted and called for unity amongst the districts now more than ever to move forward and build a new beginning for themselves and the generations to come.

"Nothing," Haymitch's laugh tapered off. "Just that… I never thought I'd survive the Games; never thought I'd survive having my name reaped for the second time; never thought I'd survive the fuckin' Rebellion and yet… here I am watching _this._ "

"Me, too," Katniss agreed solemnly. "Here I am."

"I didn't think I'd make it out alive either," Peeta nodded his head.

"You are all survivors," Effie reached to pat Peeta's hand. "All of you."

"So are you, sweetheart," Haymtich's gaze slid towards her. "Now, all we gotta do is _live._ "

* * *

 _I'd love to read your reviews and your take on chapter 9 on Effie waking up next to Haymitch by the beach or Effie briefly considering returning to the Capitol_ _or the hayffie talk that they so badly needed to have which they sort of did in bed_ _! Is this a step forward for hayffie?_

 _So pleasseeee tell me what your thoughts._


	10. Fitting In

**_10\. Fitting In_**

 _"So, here you are,  
too foreign for home  
too foreign for here.  
Never enough for both." - Ijeoma Umebinyuo_

* * *

"She's upset," Haymitch remarked, watching as Effie stormed past him in the living room to the kitchen. "I _know_ when she's upset. Don't work with someone for 15 years and _not_ know. What the hell happened?"

Peeta let out a sigh as he unwrap the scarf around his neck.

"Just a little set back," he said.

"Set back 'bout what?" Haymitch pressed. "She's in the kitchen making _tea_ and if that's _chamomile_ , then it's got to be serious."

At that, Peeta arched an eyebrow but Haymitch stood his ground, not reacting to it at all. He knew Effie well and that was not something he should be embarrassed about, even if the boy was looking at him with a half-amused smile playing on his lips.

Haymitch peered into the kitchen to see the box of tea bags on the counter.

"Definitely chamomile," he confirmed, reading the label. "So spit it out."

"We were from Town. Now that there are stalls springing up and business is picking up again in Twelve, Effie wanted to try something. She asked a tailor today if there was any vacancy," Peeta paused briefly, looking at Haymitch to gauge his reaction but his face remained impassively blank. Not surprising since there was nothing terrible _yet_. "So – uh – he said there's no place for Capitol fashion here, said some other things as well."

"Yeah, like what?"

"He was … gloating about how the mighty have fallen."

"That little fuck," Haymitch cursed. "After we helped raised that space for him… We cemented the damn floor and laid out the bricks for him."

"Well, he doesn't know that," Peeta pointed out. "Multiple shop spaces were built together at once. He's just renting the space from the Council."

Haymitch clenched his jaws. "Maybe he needs a little reminding. What the hell did you do when he said that? You stood up for her?"

"I am perfectly capable of standing up for myself, thank you very much," Effie chimed in from where she was. "Although it is sweet of you, Haymitch, _please_ do not drop by to remind him of _anything_."

"It's rude to eavesdrop," he shot back.

Effie came out just then with a teacup in hand.

"I am serious. You will not say anything to him. I do not want him to be bullied into giving me a job," Effie said and when he was about to protest, she hastily added, "Yes, I understand perfectly that it is not your intention to intimidate him into anything but if you were to have a word with him, it will certainly seem like it."

"That wasn't the first time though, Effie," Peeta said softly before turning to Haymitch. "None of them here is willing to hire her. They do not want to be seen as a Capitol - "

"That is quite enough, Peeta," Effie interrupted curtly. "I understand you mean well but _thank you_. There's no reason to agitate him further."

It was only after Peeta left to head over to Katniss' place that Haymitch addressed Effie again.

"You're looking for a job? First time I'm hearin' it."

"I did not want to say anything until after I found employment. It's just... I need to start pulling my weight around here. Besides, it will give me something to do other than fixing your shirt or learning to bake. I love Peeta, I do but I just do not feel passionate about baking as he does. What else am I doing here besides all that and teaching Sally?"

"You like teaching Sae's granddaughter."

"I do," Effie said. "I will continue that, of course, but I should also start earning and saving some money for myself, too. I need to find my footing. I need to make myself useful and relevant again."

"The boy's opening a bakery so why don't you just wait and work for him. Not to bake, necessarily," he added, "but you can work the counter, yeah? You get to meet people, stuffs like that."

Effie sighed. With careful movement, she sipped her tea before speaking again.

"I want to be able to do something on my own, without having to rely on you or Peeta. That is why I do not want you to speak on my behalf to _anyone_. I want to know – no, I _need_ to know – that I can do it on my own."

"So... you went to a tailor for a job? That's the best you can do?"

She gasped, looking scandalised by his insult.

"I do believe that I'll make a good seamstress," she told him rather defensively. "I went to the library as well. You are aware, of course, that the library will be open to public once more and they might be looking to hire staffs. It doesn't matter. My employment is hardly a cause for concern," she waved him off and promptly changed the subject. "How is the book that you are helping Katniss with coming along?"

A dark shadow passed across his face. This was not something he would rather talk about but he wanted to talk to her. It made him feel pathetic to crave her attention and time this badly.

"It's painful," he answered truthfully, "but in a way, it's helping Katniss heal and move on, so I'll do it for her."

She smiled and reached out to squeeze his arm.

"Oh!" Her eyes were bright with excitement. "Did you notice? I made new drapes for Peeta's house – the living room and dining room. I'm working on the bedrooms but that should be done quite soon."

It was ironic, he thought, that she still referred to this as Peeta's house when Haymitch had long thought of the house as _hers._

 _"_ I'm thinking..." Effie tapped her chin and he absolutely detested the glint in her eyes, "that I can work on yours next."

"Hell, no," he folded his arms. "My house doesn't need anything."

"Of course, it does! Your house especially," she fired back. "It is cluttered with... _things_. If you were to keep it clean and sanitary, we might even have a change of scenery, have dinner at your house once in a while."

"Sweetheart, if you want to have dinner with me at my place, just say it," he smirked. "This roundabout way... Too much work, yeah?"

Effie narrowed her eyes at him. "We shall revisit this line of thought at a later date _after_ the state of your house has improved."

He fought off the smile threatening to bloom on his face. She had not rejected the idea, merely putting it aside. He took that as a good sign.

"Fine," he threw his hands up in surrender. "Do whatever you want to do to occupy your time and whatever you think is best _but_ , no pink and nothing that glitters either."

XxX

Effie's laughter filling his house was something he really could get used to.

Haymitch sat on his sofa, drink in hand watching her as she animatedly retold her story. It was good to see her this way. He still spend his nights out on the porch with her whenever the nightmares kept her at night but when the sun was out, she was different. She was happier.

"I wish you had been there to see his face," Effie pressed a finger to the corner of her eye. She had laughed too much, she was tearing. "I went by to the tailor's shop and brought all those fabric for your drapes. His eyes nearly bulged out. I think if it weren't for the money, he wouldn't have sold any to me."

"Right," he chuckled.

Haymitch eyed the fabric, nicely sown into drapes for his living room. She had even taken it a step further and made covers for the cushions on his sofa.

"Where'd you learn how to sow? Thought you'd just buy everything in the Capitol."

"Yes, my mother's sentiment, exactly. She did not think it was a particularly useful skill to have," she said, handing him the drapes for him to put up. She had painstakingly made him clean the windows three days ago for this exact reason. "I had a summer internship with a stylist years ago and I was taught to design and create clothes. Curtains are far easier, let me tell you."

He glanced over at her. He had known her for nearly two decades and it was surprising how he was _still_ learning new things about her.

Once the living room was done, they made their way upstairs. She wrinkled her nose at the sight of his unmade bed and he was sure that his bed would be the next thing she would tackle.

"You need fresh new sheets," she muttered as they made their way out after he had put up the drapes in his room.

"Thought you might say that."

The study was next. She blinked at the clutter of books on his table and he became aware of her poking her nose where it was not wanted while he stood on the ladder, the fabric slung over his arms.

"What are these?"

"Books," he deadpanned.

He heard the rustling of papers and when he glanced behind his shoulder, she was intently studying his scribbles and comparing it with the contents of the open book on the table.

"Are you teaching yourself sign language?" Effie queried, looking at him for the first time since they entered the study.

It was only after he was done with the drapes that he approached her. He took the papers from her hand and placed them back on the table, using the book as a paper weight.

"I am," he admitted, clearing his throat as he did so. "I'm trying to … It might help people...the avoxes."

"What are you talking about?"

He steered her towards one of the armchair and urged her to take a seat. Haymitch pulled the foot rest closer, sitting down in front of her.

Slowly, he told her of the incident that transpired in the train many months ago with Ailes.

"So, yeah," he shrugged. "Now I'm thinking of setting up a place here in Twelve, like a shelter or a... halfway house."

"A halfway house..."

"Yeah, I think that's the word. They'll be able to take up residence in the house until they can find their footing in the world. There, I want them to be able to communicate and for them to do that, I got to be able to communicate with them as well. I can't teach it to them until I get this done myself. I even thought of … The house is a place for them to learn and relearn skills, any skills that can help them get a job and stand on their own. They can learn from each other and teach it to others. They aren't slaves anymore. Pollux and Ailes have agreed to help. I was going to ask Peeta if he doesn't mind volunteering a few hours each day – he can teach them to bake and paint, still skills, yeah?"

"Oh, Haymitch," her gaze softened. "That's wonderful. That is really wonderful. The fact that you thought of them when no one else did..." Effie cupped his cheek. "You have a good heart."

Again, he cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. He was never comfortable with praises especially so when they were freely given.

"You are," she insisted. "What you are giving them... Education, social and emotional support... You're giving them a gift, Haymitch."

"Let's just hope it works out, eh?" He chuckled. "Now, sweetheart, I got to ask about your plans. You're off looking for jobs so you're staying? Or is this still…. I don't know, temporary?"

"Are you regretting your decision to let me work on your house? Are you trying to get rid of me already?" she teased.

"I'm serious, Effs. I know we talked about this and I know you need time. I said I'm going to be here and I am. Got nowhere else to be but what 'bout you? You've never said nothin' about what your plans are."

"That is because I have none."

Her answer was simple but not to him.

"Looking for a job is a plan," he pointed out.

"True," she agreed. "I am just... Taking things as they are. I do not want to plan my life three years from now or five years from now. I want to live it as it is, as frightening as it sounds," she leaned forward in her seat and Haymitch clasped her hand in his, rubbing a thumb over her knuckles. "All my life, I have schedules and plans but now... I am strangely alright with it. I just want to get better, _be_ better."

"You'll be," he assured.

"The truth… The Capitol did not feel like home anymore so I came with Peeta, foolishly thinking that perhaps, I could find someplace that I could feel belonged; someplace other than the Capitol. Not here in particular but I figured, here is a start. I have thought of returning to the Capitol but I am still afraid to return and find out that I can never fit in back again. Here…. I have been here nearly a year but I am still very much an outsider. Have you any idea how scary it is not to belong _anywhere?_ Not here and not there, a place that I have called home for _years_ …"

The last thing she expected from him was the small, quiet chuckles. The sound reverberated and his shoulders shook. Effie was looking at him as if he was the cruelest person to be laughing in her face

"Sweetheart, you're asking _me_ this? I had one foot in this district and one foot in the Capitol since I was sixteen. I wasn't district enough to be accepted into this community when I had money, food, a decent house and good clothes on my back, and I wasn't posh enough to be accepted into your society. Have I any idea what it feels like to not feel belong? Yeah, I do, Effie, I do."

"I've … I have never thought of it that way. I never thought you – I'm sorry," she said, her eyes shining bright under the light.

"Ain't your fault," he muttered. "You feel lost, I get that."

"Yes… But you and the children make it better."

"Yeah?" he asked with a smile. "You can make this your home. Hell, it doesn't have to be here. You and I … We can go somewhere together."

He _hated_ how hopeful he sounded but that was the truth and he was done skirting and hiding where she was concern.

"What I told you still stands – no pressure, alright? It's just an option, yeah? Somethin' we can do."

"Yes," she nodded.

"How about you start small? Help me help the avoxes… Help me with the program. I work better with you," he suggested and it did cross his mind that with something to occupy her here, she would be around longer. "These little projects you're doing with my house and Peeta's are all well and good, sweetheart, but you're better at planning and bossing people around."

"Why didn't you lead with this earlier?" she asked in exasperation.

"Cause you were looking for somethin' that pays – this doesn't."

* * *

 _She's looking for it so let's give Effie Trinket a purpose! What do you think of Haymitch's plans and offering Effie a role in it?_


	11. The Tune Remains

**The Tune Remains**

 _When you care about someone, you just do, and nothing changes that."_ — Amanda Hocking, _Lullaby_

There was a sense of safety and security, almost like a second skin, in doing something familiar and working with Haymitch was something she was quite familiar with.

The experience this time was different – more pleasant, more balance. He was cooperative and actively contributed to the tasks unlike when he was a mentor, not that it should surprise her since this was _his_ project.

She could definitely get used to this.

It was nice not to have to shoulder all the workload alone for a change.

The day after she agreed to assist him, Haymitch took his time to sit her down and run through the plans he had so far. He guided her through what he had achieved and accomplished, and told her that they still had a long way to go. He was patient as he taught her some of the sign language he had taught himself, and when she signed a _'Hello, sweetheart'_ to him one afternoon, his lips twitched into a proud smile.

What Effie enjoyed most than anything else was the spark in his eyes when he taught her. The grey of his eyes had always been beautiful in any shade – when it darkened with intensity and lust as he fucked her or when it gleamed each time he annoyed her – but when he sat down across from her to teach, his eyes were bright with passion. The grey took on a lighter shade as if his soul shone from within.

In another life, she thought, he could have been a teacher and he would have been wonderful at it. After all, to Effie, his mind was his greatest asset.

Effie walked into the study one day to find him hunched over the table, pen scratching on paper.

"You are capable of writing a letter after all," she remarked as she approached him.

At that comment, he lifted his head to look at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean I wrote you numerous letters... with no replies."

"Don't pout sweetheart, it doesn't suit you," he teased with a quiet chuckle. "I wrote you back – twice."

At that, her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Did you? I received nothing!"

"Yeah," Haymitch nodded in affirmation. "Ain't my fault if the letter got lost in the system. I don't know what happened to the first but the second letter must have missed you completely. You came here not long after I sent it out. What – you thought I was ignoring you?"

"Well, no. I was under the impression that you just could not be bothered to write a letter," she told him the truth and took a seat across the table. "Who are you writing to?"

"Ailes - wish he had a phone or somethin' but he's hopping 'round Seven, living here and there. The letter will find him – I'm sending it directly to the mayor and he'll get it to where it needs to get. I just don't know who to call to reach him. What's your update?"

"Ah," she broke into a smile as she reproduced the papers she had just obtained earlier from the Civic Centre, all signatures in place and duly approved. "Congratulations, Haymitch, you now have a plot of land on lease for a halfway house."

"Good job, sweetheart."

Effie preened like a proud peacock. She had spent _days_ reading the terms of the contract, negotiating the price from a government representative and filing title deeds application. Haymitch had more than enough money sequestered in his bank from his years as a Victor but it was still wise, in her opinion, to be frugal and get the best offer. After all, there would be a lot more expenses to take into account in order to set up the halfway house.

"Thank you," she dipped her head in acknowledgment. "Oh, I found a job."

His head snapped up towards her.

"It will be at the medicine factory under the Administrative Office," she explained. "I had to apply directly with the government agency tasked with employment and manpower. They offered me this opening so I accepted it."

She had tried asking for work from people in this district and most had turned her away. She supposed, their prejudices still stood in the way and she could not really blame them.

"Thought you don't need a job anymore," he muttered gruffly.

"Well, you said it yourself, this job doesn't pay," she smiled teasingly. "I want to be able to contribute to your cause as well."

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?"

"True, but I want to be able to add financially to this project," she added.

Effie waited for the rebuke and for his ego to get in the way but she was glad and surprised when he said nothing to dissuade her of that notion. This was something she wanted and needed to do. Haymitch's project was good but it was handed to her by him. This job, on the other hand, was one that she had gotten it all through her own effort and if she succeeds, her success would be of her own doing.

"If you are worried that I might not have any time on my hand, you shouldn't. I will still be around to help whenever I am needed. I have plenty of time in the afternoon and at night, and during weekends as well."

XxX

Effie agonised over the blue print of the halfway house. Together with Peeta, they had drawn a draft of the vision they had for the place and Haymitch had grunted his assent. He had taken the drawing with him to meet the architect but when he returned that night, he had informed her that some of her ideas were not feasible.

"You've been at it since this afternoon," Haymitch pointed out when he heard her grumbled in frustration from her corner. "Leave it – you can work on it tomorrow."

"It's just... I do not understand the reason why - "

"He already said it'll be too much pressure on the plumbing and frankly, I agree with him. I ain't gonna deal with a burst pipe six months after the house is up. He's a professional – listen to him."

Effie sighed and rolled the blue print up. Haymitch was right. She was not a professional and construction was not her area of expertise. When she had planned the space, she was more concern with the aesthetic of it than the practical aspect.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then," she announced, gathering her possession into her bag.

"Stay," Haymitch touched her wrist. Her gaze fell on his hand before it flickered up to look at him questioningly. "For dinner. I'll – uh – I'll make somethin'."

"You mean to cook?" she asked, the incredulity in her voice was apparent enough that Haymitch scowled.

"I _can_ cook. How'd you think I survived all these while?"

Effie hesitated for a brief second before she smiled and nodded her agreement. She was curious and she supposed, this would be something interesting she would not want to miss. Haymitch Abernathy, cooking… And it would be _for her_.

Haymitch beckoned her over to the kitchen where he began scrounging for whatever he could find. Each time he pulled out something, Effie checked to ensure that nothing had turned bad or gone past its expiration date. At first, Haymitch found it insulting but soon, he let her have her peace of mind.

"Looks like it'll be pasta," he shrugged, taking in the ingredients laid out before him.

"Well, it will definitely be better than the stew Sae had been trying to feed me," Effie declared. "Or Katniss' squirrel."

Haymitch laughed loudly at that.

"Won't tell them anything," he promised. "Be right back, gotta get something from Katniss."

He came back with tomatoes and some herbs from the garden Peeta had grown for Katniss, and he even proudly showed her the chicken breast he took from the kids.

"It's chicken," he swore with a chuckle.

Effie helped to dice the tomatoes and put the pot of water to boil, and then she merely hung around, sipping a glass of wine as she watched Haymitch worked. His movement was not as well-practiced as a seasoned chef and he did pause once in a while as he tried to remember the next step he was supposed to take but Effie enjoyed watching him.

She took in the slight crease of his brow as he concentrated, the way he carefully sliced the chicken because of the small tremors in his hand and that one time when he brought the ladle up to taste the sauce before offering her the same. She didn't mind when he distractedly instructed her to get him things – _"get me the tomatoes, sweetheart," or "pass me the pepper,"_ – which she did without any complains.

"This is nice," Effie admitted, midway through dinner.

"Told you I can cook," he smirked.

"If I was referring to the food, I would have said that it's delicious, which it is," she assured. "What I meant is… This," Effie gestured at them. "It's nice to have dinner with you."

Haymitch swallowed his food, looking at her intently before he nodded. Effie reached out for her glass of wine, oblivious to the contemplative look on his face.

"I should … I should take you out more."

It was not a question or a suggestion. He laid it out there as a statement for her to refute if she deemed fit.

Effie smiled. "Yes, perhaps you should."

The last thing she wanted was to make a big deal out of it. Haymitch was not the kind. Any grand gesture and he would take a step back. Any other men would have made their intention clear that they wanted to take her out on a date but not him. Besides, they had never been on one.

This, as they had both agreed before, was unchartered territory. What they were trying… It was something new.

"Tonight is lovely," she said softly.

Her gaze was drawn to his hand resting on the table and before she could think twice about it, she reached out to touch his hand and in an instant, Haymitch turned his palm up, clasping their hands together.

He said nothing as he ran his thumb on her knuckles and brought his glass of whiskey to his lips but Effie could very well see him trying to hide a smile behind the glass.

Right after dinner was over, Effie insisted on cleaning. It was better to get the dirty dishes washed and put away rather than to hold it off till morning. She turned on the old, small radio in his kitchen and hummed under her breath as she washed the dishes. When she was done, she watched Haymitch wiped the plates dry.

As he was putting the last of the plates away, Effie laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Dance with me."

Her request caught him by surprised and he shook his head, "No."

Laughing, she tugged the cloth out of his grip and placed it on the rack before grabbing his hand to rest it on her waist.

"Do not spoil such a lovely night, Haymitch," she clicked her tongue in a teasing disapprobation. "I want a dance."

Tonight felt like a date to her, even if the word was not spoken out loud between them, and she wanted it to be perfect.

Haymitch rolled his eyes and he made sure that she saw it too but still, he laced their fingers together and swayed gently to the soft music playing in the kitchen. She relished the feel of his strong shoulder under her palm and the slight curl of his fingers on her waist.

"Haymitch," she whispered, propping her chin on his shoulder as they swayed. "I used to have nightmares of you abandoning me. It was silly at first. It started with you finding a better lover, a more passionate woman to be with. Then… It became darker."

He flinched and the grip on her waist tightened in reflex. She ran a finger soothingly up and down the back of his neck. She wished she hadn't opened her mouth because right now, _she_ was spoiling the moment and ruining the mood but it had felt _right_ to share it with him.

"Dr. Aurelius believed it stemmed from the betrayal and pain I felt at being left behind in the Capitol after the arena exploded."

He stepped away from her, breaking the dance. He watched her just as she stood there watching him.

"I'm sorry," he uttered and she could see the anguish in his eyes. He touched her cheek and she leaned into him. "I'm _sorry_."

"I know you are."

"I was wrong. I thought you'd be better off in the Capitol; that you'd be safe but I was _wrong_. They said I'm a strategist; that I could read a play two steps before the move is made but I couldn't see it when it came to you. I just… I just wanted you safe, sweetheart. You believe me, don't you?"

"Yes," she said and blinked in surprised at her own admission.

"I can't turn back time, Effs. I can't do shit to change what happened but … Whatever you need me to do now for you, I'd do it."

She should feel flattered that he would say something like that to her but Effie was horrified.

"No," she shook her head adamantly. "You don't have to bend your back for me. You're not my… I will not make you my slave just so you could be forgiven. I will not have your guilt string you along."

She drew a shuddering breath, wiping the tear gathering at the corner of her eye. She wanted them to be alright. She wanted them to be _happy_.

"I want you to just be you," she said. "The past doesn't matter, Haymitch. What we have is the present and the future, and you've been helping me tremendously whether or not you see it, _even_ if you think that what you are doing is not enough. It is enough for me."

Her hand came up to curl her fingers around his wrist as he brushed the pad of his thumb on her cheekbone.

"It's enough," she repeated. "I'm… healing. You've given me something to focus on. You've given me your time and your company each time you sat with me on the porch."

"You said you used to dream about me abandoning you…. What are your nightmares about now?"

She gave him a wan smile.

"Now, my nightmares are about _me_ leaving all of _you_ behind. I do not want it happening. I do not want to leave Katniss or Peeta or… you. I feel – I feel _safer_ knowing you are just next door and if I were to bring my kerosene lamp out, you'd come. I feel _safer_ knowing that if I am afraid, you will be there to hold me and keep the demons at bay. I feel secure in the knowledge that you are here and you are close."

Effie stepped closer to him.

"My feelings…" she exhaled shakily, "have not changed. I was angry and felt deceived but it is only because I thought that I meant something to you."

"Of course, you do," he told her gruffly. "You mean something to me; then and now."

"I do not want to feel angry anymore, Haymitch. Not with you and not over what happened to me. I just want to live. You were right when you said that we've survived and now, we have to _live._ "

"And that's… here in Twelve?" he asked.

"I do not know where else to go," she answered him truthfully. "I've been here more than a year and that is quite the length for a visit, isn't it?"

Haymitch chuckled and when he dropped a kiss on her forehead, her eyes fluttered close. She wrapped her arms around his waist and let herself feel contented in his embrace.

* * *

 _I hope you like the chapter because I had fun writing it and I was quite excited for you to read it, too. You know the drill, tell me your thoughts - what do you think of Effie's little observations of Haymitch throughout this chapter, what do you think of Haymitch asking her to stay for dinner or their dance or their conversation? :) Let me know in the reviews :)_


	12. Don't Look Back

_This is THE chapter. I hope you're ready!_

* * *

 ** _12\. Don't Look Back_**

 _"_ _If I ask you to name all the things you love, how long will it take for you to name yourself?"_

Waking up, his gaze swept over the room, taking in the sight of the lipstick stained wine glass on the coffee table, his accompanying glass of whiskey and to the knife he had tossed aside for her safety.

Last night had been... It had been _nice._ They had danced in his kitchen the night before and they had _talked_ which was unexpected but necessary, something he noticed they had been doing quite often lately. They had ended up here in the sitting room where they spent the night sleeping on his sofa.

Haymitch continued sweeping the room, letting his gaze linger on the crevice near the mantelpiece. He had to remind himself again that the Games were over which meant that no one had planted bugs in his house _or_ hers, and no one would try to use what he said as any form of weakness. He had been reminding himself that the talks he had been having with Effie lately was just between _them_ and that he trust her. She would not tell anyone about the things they said to each other.

Nearly two decades of spending his life walking on the wire, putting people at an arm's length and constantly watching over his shoulder had become the norm for him so much so that this newly found peace was something of a struggle for him to accept. He needed to learn to be a little less paranoid and find a new normal post-war.

 _Start with her._

Effie stirred, burrowing further into him to seek his warmth. The sofa was big enough to accommodate them but it was not _that_ spacious. Haymitch tightened his arms around her, holding her close in case she fell off the edge and dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

The night was coming to an end and he could see the tell-tale signs of sunrise. Still, he remained lying on the sofa, contented to just hold her and enjoy the quiet. Outside, his geese had started to make a racket and not wanting to disrupt the sleeping woman in his arms, he let them.

She had woken up in the middle of night, gasping for breath and reaching around her until her hand connected with his. He had held her until he felt her breathing returned to normal and sensed her relaxing once again in his embrace.

A few more hours of sleep would not be remiss for her. Haymitch hooked his leg over hers, enveloping her fully and then he drifted off once again.

The gentle stroking on his stubbled cheek roused him awake hours later. The sitting room was bathed in the morning light.

"Perhaps, a shave?"

"I'm keeping it. Want to grow a beard – heard that's sexy," he said with a careless shrug and when he caught her stupendous expression, Haymitch chuckled.

"You do need better jokes."

"Why? I have you."

Effie gasped. "Haymitch Abernathy!"

"Relax, sweetheart," he laughed.

It was nice to joke and tease her once more.

His gaze fell on her lips and in that moment, he _really_ wanted to kiss her but he had promised to give her time and kissing her might be pushing it. Effie must have sensed it because the air shifted. He held his breath when he felt her move, thinking that he must have spooked her enough that she was going to leave to head back over to her place before things became awkward.

She remained where she was, merely shifting slightly to find a comfortable position. Her hand came up to play with the ends of his hair, a thoughtful look already settling on her face.

"What does this mean for us?" Effie asked.

 _This_ , he supposed, was more than just spending the night sleeping together, in the most innocent of terms. _This_ , he assumed, encompassed all the things between them – the time spent together, the work they shared and the nights holding each other.

He had made his intention clear the night she asked him to stay in her bed. She was well aware that he was sure of what he wanted but as he glanced down at the woman in his arms, it occurred to him that Effie might need reassurance once in a while.

Even if she needed to keep hearing that he wanted her and that he wanted to give this thing between them a chance, then to him, it was a small price to pay.

Still, he took his time answering and organising his thoughts. Effie did not push either.

They have time, literally and figuratively. The sun was only starting to rise in District Twelve and it would be a few hours away before they were expected for breakfast at Katniss', and they have their whole life ahead of them to figure this out and to work things through. She wasn't going anywhere. Effie was here and he was still trying to wrap his head around that fact.

"I think you know that I've never expected to survive this," Haymitch started talking. "I left this house for the Quell's Reaping thinking that I'm never comin' back to this place. But I'm here now with you and the two kids next door. Truth is, when I stepped up to bring Katniss home and knew I made it alive only to be back here, I hated every minute of it. After Snow was captured, I made the mistake of giving myself the luxury to _dream;_ to imagine my life anywhere else but here, a life..." He cleared his throat, "with you, somewhere in Seven or Four, you know..."

He paused for a breath, aware of the feel of Effie's warm palm on his neck, silently giving him the strength to finally talk.

"I fucking hated havin' to come back to a place where I buried my family, knowing that half the district was massacre and burnt down, and likely because of what _I_ started with the star-crossed lovers deal years back. What do I have here, sweetheart? Nothin' much except ghosts and nightmares. On days when no alcohol supplies was coming in, time just dragged by and it gives me a lot of opportunity to think."

"What occupied your thoughts?" Effie encouraged, brushing his brow with her thumb.

He smiled a little that she was more comfortable initiating contact with him. They had been hesitant and careful, and he knew Effie could be a very tactile person. This little changes was something he welcomed.

Haymitch made a face before he chuckled darkly, "Heavy thoughts."

Effie was watching him with open curiousity. He wondered briefly if he should tell her about the walk he took to the cemetery which was destroyed during the bombings and was now an empty land for _something_ \- a memorial or the other - to be built upon it and the one-sided conversation he had while standing on the spot where his mother was buried.

"Haymitch?"

He blinked and decided to keep that story to the cemetery for another day but Haymitch needed to get the words out while he still could. Clearing his throat, he said, "I got this shot and this chance. So I thought... that, you know, maybe I should let the past go and move on, open myself up to possibilities, whatever they may be," Haymitch admitted. "It wouldn't hurt, I guess. Didn't know what they're gonna be but I just know that I should _live_ my life now instead of wasting it like I had. I started going out to see what I can do to help… Nothin' much at first; just needed to do something, to feel useful. Then I saw an opportunity with the Avox Rehabilitation Program so I seized it 'cause I needed to do somethin' or I'd go crazy here."

"It is a good cause," Effie nodded encouragingly. "Dr. Aurelius would say that in some ways, by helping others, we help ourselves."

"Maybe," he let out a breath. He glanced in her direction before looking away. The next thing he wanted to tell her made the heat rise to his cheeks but he needed her to understand that he thought about her, too. "I wasn't joking 'bout what I said earlier. I wanted a possibility with you but you weren't here and I – I didn't know how to make it work when I'm stuck here on my own while you're there. So, I said nothing... then you came."

"And?" Effie managed a smile.

"Don't laugh," he warned before saying, "I see it as life throwing me another chance, y'know? It's insane but … the two kids next door, they're family and… so are you, sweetheart. You're family too and I swore, this time I'd do it right. I ain't gonna fuck it up anymore. I couldn't keep my family safe before but now… I got another chance, yeah? Besides," his chest rumbled as he chuckled, "I don't want to waste any more years with you. I ain't young and with my drinkin', how long will I have before I die, huh?"

"Hush, now! Do not speak like that," Effie rebuked with a frown.

Haymitch soothed her by absent-mindedly petting her hair. Talking and _sharing_ this with her was not as daunting as he thought conversations would be. It even felt… good, in a way. It made him feel lighter.

"You weren't wrong. We started out using each other. The sex we had was to push down the … feelings we couldn't deal with….to blow off steam. Back then _that_ felt right, but now? I don't want just that. Don't get me wrong, sex with you has always been fucking amazing and mind-blowing but we could try for more."

"More mind-blowing sex?"

His head snapped at her and he frowned at her audacity to joke when he was trying to be serious for once.

"I know what you are trying to say," she said soothingly. "It's meaning that you're looking for, isn't it? For this between us to mean something…"

"Yeah, I guess that's it," he concurred, running a hand up and down her sides. "These past days with you constantly around the house... You can be annoying – no, you _are_ annoying - but I'd take that any time."

That remarked garnered a smile out of her.

"You are going soft on me."

Haymitch let that slide. He ran his fingers through the knots on her hair from having slept on it.

"What?" he asked gruffly when he caught the look on her face.

Effie bit her bottom lip worriedly. "Do you really think it will work between us?"

"We have to give it a shot – wouldn't know otherwise. We're going to argue a lot 'cause that's how we are and I don't see that changing," Haymitch told her realistically because even as they work together they still found things to argue about.

She hummed in agreement.

"We will make it up for it, too," she said with a sparkle in her eyes. That seemed to have set off another train of thought in her because she looked away and only held his gaze when he brushed his thumb gently against her cheekbone. "I'm not … I'm not how I used to be. I do not want you to have any delusions about me. I am not as pretty or as -"

"So now you think I'm shallow," he snorted. "I didn't make this much effort to be patient 'bout us trying something if it's only your look that I cared about. I want _everything_ – the good, the bad, the ugly."

Haymitch shifted then so that most of his weight was resting on his elbow as he gazed down at her.

"I have them too, sweetheart. I have the scars and the nightmares. I have demons, just like you."

"What a pair we'll make," she remarked softly, touching his cheek in a fond caress as she looked up at him.

It seemed like a perfect moment. It _felt_ right to him so without thinking too much about it, Haymitch leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. He counted it as a win when she did not turn her face away. She kissed him back and ran her tongue over his bottom lip, and to Haymitch who had been deprived from any form of intimacy with her for so long, that single act was as sensual as it could get.

She set the pace and eventually, she locked her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. He couldn't help the soft moan when her fingers raked lightly on the nape of his neck. He was more than happy to let her take the lead, not wanting to push her any more than what she was willing to give.

When they finally broke apart, he rested his forehead on hers, his warm breath mingling with hers. Her eyes were closed and she was smiling, contented to lie there and bask in that feeling. He pecked her lips again but otherwise, he didn't initiate another kiss and risk the self-control that was dangling on a thread now.

"After every session with Dr. Aurelius," she started speaking, "he will always ask that I list all the things I love and he will always wait until I name myself."

"Did you?" he asked, still propped on his elbow.

"Yes," she answered with a smile as Haymitch brushed the hair away from her face, "it took a lot of work. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for months. I hated the bags under my eyes, I hated the scars on my skin. I _hated_ that I was broken but yes, eventually, I wrote my own name. Still," her eyes flickered away for a brief second, "there are days when I am a little unsure of the parts of me that I love."

"Then I'll show you all the parts that I... that I love," Haymitch muttered. "Only when you're ready and even then, it ain't all just the outside, Effs. There are things here," he kissed the top of her breast where her heart would be, "and here," he kissed her temple, "that makes _you_ and I want all of that so now... don't look back, alright? Take what I want to give you."

Her eyes watered and he kissed the corner of it.

"Don't cry on me," he spoke quietly.

"You are too good for me," Effie whispered. "I want to try, too. I want to give us a chance to start something real and good but … I want to take it one day at a time."

He shrugged. "I have all the time in the world. If you're not comfortable with something, you tell me."

"Yes," she nodded. "Can you kiss me again?"

Haymitch smirked and he was more than happy to fulfil her demand. Kissing her was like coming home, it was familiar and it felt good. If he ever needed a memory happy enough to keep him afloat during the darkest of days, this would be it – stretched out on the sofa with Effie in his arms, kissing and touching and petting each other while the world melted away around them. He wouldn't mind more mornings like this.

That was, until his front door slammed open and Katniss stormed in, her face contorted in pain and confusion.

"It's Peeta – I can't reach him. He's gone."

* * *

 _A/N: In Between Lives (which is my Haymitch-centred fic), I wrote a one-shot of Haymitch visiting his mother's and brother's grave to say goodbye after the war. It is when he realised that he's alive and shouldn't be wasting it. While I think it is a one-shot fitting for Chasing Hope, I did not want to rehash the scene here again which is why I slipped in the mention of it. If you want to read more on it, t_ _his one-shot is in Chapter 26 of Between Lives!_

 _What do you think of the moment shared between Haymitch & Effie? What do you think of their talk or of Haymitch being honest about his feelings or the kiss they _finally _shared? What of the ending? Tell me, leave reviews!_

 _Next week you'll have an even longer chapter and other characters will be paying Twelve a visit! Guess who :)_


	13. Release The Chains

**_14\. Release The Chains_**

 _"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."_

— Andy Warhol

* * *

Her footsteps echoed on the parquet floor, the sound of which seemed distant to her buzzing ears. She was feeling lightheaded as if her head was clouded in haze and all she could do was to stare at her hand in Haymitch's. She felt herself being dragged down the hallway, out the main door and towards the direction of Katniss' house.

 _Katniss' house…_

Something urgent must be happening there if Haymitch was insistently urging her towards that course.

Effie blinked and stopped abruptly, forcing Haymitch to glance behind him.

She remembered now. Katniss had mentioned Peeta and she had stood there trying to understand Katniss' words. Peeta had been doing so well… He had been getting along wonderfully that his relapse struck her. There had been nightmares, naturally. None of them could escape it but there had been nothing that would have made Katniss run to them in a panic.

"Stop, stop," she tugged hard on Haymitch's hand until he released her. "Both of you," she looked at Haymitch and Katniss in turn, "return to the house – Haymitch's house. I will see to Peeta."

Katniss opened her mouth to say something but was beaten to it by Haymitch.

"Sweetheart, he's in an episode. He's not himself," he protested with a frown.

Haymitch did not say it out loud but Effie heard his insinuation all the same.

 _He could be dangerous_.

"I am quite capable of reaching out to him," Effie assured except Haymitch did not look the least bit convinced which irate her a little. "Have I not been doing the same during the months I was with him in the Capitol?"

Haymitch dropped his hand from her upper arm as if her words had scalded him. She meant no harm by it but she supposed a part of him would always feel as if he had failed the boy in more ways than once. Peeta had been left behind _twice_ while he was with Katniss.

"Be careful," he murmured, cupping her cheek. "Shout if you need help."

She nodded. "Yes, I will."

It was disconcerting, she thought, that just moments ago, her heart was racing from the way Haymitch was kissing her and now, it was thumping erratically with anxiety at not knowing what to expect when she finds Peeta.

Slowly and cautiously, Effie made her way through the back door of Katniss' house in search of Peeta. The kitchen was clear so she made her way out past the display cabinet by the stairs and into the sitting room.

"Peeta," she called out his name softly when she spotted him rocking in the far corner away from the bay window.

The coffee table had been upended and there were mugs clattered on the floor, spilling liquid and soaking the rug.

"It's me. It's Effie."

She stopped just steps away from him. Carefully, Effie lowered herself down to his height and sat cross-legged in front of him, an act she would have normally frowned on when there were perfectly functional seats to be found around the room but this was desperate times.

From experience, Effie knew not to touch him, the same way she would never touch Haymitch if he were deep in a nightmare. Instead, she started talking, letting her voice carry in the stillness of the house. She had nearly finished recounting the dinner that Haymitch had cooked up the night before and confessing that he _might_ have stolen some of his herbs from his garden when Peeta raised his head.

"That is …. sweet," he said with just a slight hint of confusion as if he wasn't sure if it was an appropriate adjective to describe something concerning Haymitch. "Was it – was it sweet?"

"Well…" Effie blinked when he spoke before smiling gently at him. "It is but let us not say that to Haymitch. You know how he is."

"Yes," he agreed. "I – I always knew."

"What about?"

"That there must be something… with you and Haymitch," he said with a straight face. She could tell he was _still_ swimming in some far distant memories and was trying to grasp at the current situation around him to make sense of his reality. "It's real."

It wasn't a question but a proclamation to himself to bring his senses around.

"Yes," Effie nodded, the memories of the night before would now always be fondly held in her heart, "I supposed there is something."

He blinked suddenly, looking around the house.

"Where is Katniss?" he asked, his voice rose a pitch.

"She is with Haymitch," Effie was quick to assure before things could escalate. "They are at his house. She is safe. She is worried about you but she is safe."

Peeta sagged against the wall, still shaken but he reached out to her and Effie did not hesitate to hold his hand between her own.

She never asked what happened. She didn't need the details to know that the book Katniss was working on, currently lying on the floor with the upended coffee table must have triggered something in Peeta.

He followed her line of sight and with a cold shudder told her, "It was the mutts. Katniss was…. She's gotten passed the previous Games so… so now she's working on ours. I – I _forgot_ that we're safe. I _forgot_ that – that's she's _not_ a mutt. I couldn't see anything passed it – I'm _sorry_."

"There is nothing to apologise for, Peeta. Not to me at least. It happens but what is important is that we come back from it. It must be really frightening for you to have your memory clouded for a moment there."

He fixed his gaze on the floor.

"Sometimes, I don't know if I'll ever escape this," Peeta admitted in a whisper.

Effie scooted until she was sitting next to him, her back against the wall and her shoulder bumping into his. She stretched her legs in front of her, wondering what Haymitch would say if he saw her in this manner. Chances were, he would smirk at her and say something to the effect that being in the district must have had an influence on her.

"I have the same fears amongst other. On some nights when I am too afraid to sleep and I sit by the porch, listening to the little noises in other parts of Twelve, I give in to the fear that I might never escape the person I was in the past," Effie admitted the one thing she had never dared to voice out loud, even to Haymitch. "I am afraid that no matter where I am and where I go, I will always be judged for my sins in the past, that I will always be seen as the escort. It is a difficult chain to break or escape. I have no words to comfort you, darling, but … If it is something that we must live with, then we have no choice but to shoulder it bravely, yes?"

Peeta looked her way, a little surprise by the ferocity with which she said it. She was determined to move forward. Her sins were hers to bear and she would carry it with her throughout but moving forward was the only way to live. She had to let Peeta understand the same. She refused to let him be dragged by what was done to him in the past.

"You are not alone," she comforted him. "We can all do this _together_. We're a team, aren't we?"

"When I – I slipped, I was afraid I'd hurt her."

"She was afraid that she lost you," Effie spoke gently.

Peeta shook his head. "I'll come back. I'll always come back for her. It's just… sometimes I forgot and it slipped, and I get lost in… in the memories."

"Katniss will be there to help you tell what is real and what is not. You and her… You have a system, a way to sort out the memories, don't you? It has been useful, hasn't it?" Effie asked.

He had told her about it once during their walks and personally, she thought it was good that Peeta trusted Katniss to be able to go to her to validate his memories. It meant that his treatment had served him well for him to have that level of trust restored once more.

"I am not going anywhere either, Peeta," Effie informed. "I will always be here should you need me… or in case we need each other," she smiled.

That made his eyes widened as he stared at her.

"You are staying? For good?"

"Yes, I am," she affirmed. "I would hope for good."

His lips twitched and bloom into a genuine smile that made Effie's heart swell. It reaffirmed the fact that she must have made the right decision to stay, after all.

"That is good news," Peeta declared. "Family should stay together and that's what we are – you, Haymitch, Katniss and I – we're more than just a team, we're family."

His words touched something in her.

Hearing the word family and knowing she was part of it for the second time in two days meant the world to her. Effie swallowed the lump in her throat. She would not cry. She would not but her heart was full. She felt happy and most importantly, accepted; a feeling that she had not harboured in a long time since the moment the Rebels fled for District Thirteen. It didn't matter if the district was still learning to get past the person she was before as long as she was accepted by the ones who mattered.

"Come now," she stood up and dusted herself. "Let us do something different today and have breakfast at Haymitch's place."

He agreed and together, they made their way but not before Peeta grabbed some left over loaf of bread and jam from his kitchen.

The next time, Effie thought to herself as they walked the short distance across to get to Haymitch, she would let him have a chance to bring Peeta around. It would be something they both needed. While Peeta never doubted that Haymitch loved him too, it would also be good for him to know that Haymitch would be there for him the same way he would for Katniss and it would do Haymitch good to know that despite them both growing up on their own, Peeta still needed him in his corner.

Effie and Haymitch were all they had now, and it would be up to them to try and fill the voids Katniss' and Peeta's parents had left behind.

XxX

The train station in Twelve was unlike those in the city or even in Four. There, it was a mess of commuters, throngs of people walking shoulder to shoulder, slithering in and out to get to their destination. Here, it was quieter with more room to navigate. It was easier to look out for familiar faces, an activity Katniss and Effie was engaged in since the train docked in the station a few minutes ago.

Katniss spotted them easily enough and gave a wave to get their attention. Effie stood by the side as Katniss warmly embraced the man. Behind him, a familiar looking woman approached.

"Isn't this a lovely surprise?" Effie exclaimed as Cressida leaned forward to give her a one arm hug.

Cressida was sporting a different undercut hairstyle, choosing to shave a portion of the hair at her back and pulling the long locks into a top knot to show it off. There were also lines criss-crossing the shaved part to accentuate the style. Effie glanced at it briefly before averting her gaze, suddenly reminded of the time she was made to watch as the guards shaved off Johanna's hair.

"I did not know you will be coming," Effie commented.

Effie had heard of her work in District Thirteen and had subsequently met her at the Presidential Mansion after the Rebels had stormed the Capitol. While the young woman was a little rough for her taste and at times, reminded her of Johanna, Effie liked her.

"It was all in the last minute. Pollux told me the reason Haymitch invited him to Twelve a day before he was scheduled to leave and did you _really_ think I will miss out on an opportunity to film a rehabilitation programme for the avoxes?" Cressida raised a questioning eyebrow. "It is part of the post-war efforts and it _should_ be in our film. Tell me you think the same."

She had point, naturally.

"As much as I agree with you, I do not speak for Haymitch," Effie answered and since she was working with him on this, then she knew that he had no inkling of Cressida's plans. "You will have to talk to him about this before you start anything. He is not fond of cameras trailing after him."

Not to mention that the last thing Haymitch wanted was all the publicity and attention. He did not take on this cause for the attention.

"I will," Cressida assured as they made their way out of the station. "Is he getting government funding?"

"Not that I know of, it has been purely out of his pocket."

"How about showing me around that medicine factory tomorrow?" Cressida asked, her eyes gleaming with the possibilities she could get out of the trip "Victor's Village is barred from journalist and by that extension, this film as well, but I do intend on getting other shots of Twelve just to show the progress."

Effie nodded. There had been a filming crew during the early weeks of the rebuilding in Twelve so it would make sense for Cressida to now want to film the progression and improvement.

When Pollux and Cressida met Peeta in the Village upon their arrival, the boy stood uncertainly on the road. His time with them during the squad's journey in the Capitol had not exactly been pleasant but Pollux broke into a heart-warming smile and stepped forward to shake Peeta's hand. Both Pollux and Cressida seemed genuinely pleased to see that Peeta was doing well.

Peeta insisted on preparing dinner and roped Haymitch to help, claiming that he had cooked for Effie once which meant he certainly could help for the night. It made Haymitch shot Effie a look but all she did was to give his hand an encouraging squeeze as she sent him off to spend some time with Peeta.

Dinner was a simple affair and Effie found herself relaxing as she listened to Cressida regaling stories from her numerous trips in other districts. Somewhere in the middle of dessert, Haymitch had poured her more wine, leaned back in his seat with his hand stretched behind Effie's chair, his finger tracing random patterns on her arm. Peeta glanced at them once and smiled indulgently at the pair without saying a word.

It made her a little curious if there had been anything said between Haymitch and Peeta about her in the kitchen earlier.

As dinner wound down to a close, Effie insisted that their guests stayed with them and showed them to the guest bedrooms in Peeta's house.

"Come, stay the night with me," Haymitch whispered, placing his hand on the small of her back.

She glanced at him and to his credit, Haymitch waited patiently, not wanting to push her.

"Or not," he shrugged it off as nonchalantly as he could, but Effie could read the disappointment on his face.

Effie slipped her hand into his and smiled. He relaxed.

"Lead the way," she gestured, as if she didn't know the way to his house.

Effie was sure he could hear the racing in her heart when it became clear to her that he was leading her to his bedroom. It gave him pause and the uncertainty fleeted through his eyes. He glanced at the stairs behind her, a silent question if she would rather they settled on the sofa like they had done before.

 _What difference does it make?_ Effie rationalised. She had brought him to her room and they had spent the night there before. The flip side of the coin shouldn't mean any differently.

"Not the sofa. Your bedroom," she told him with confidence.

She trusted him, and sleeping with his arms around her had always made her feel safe.

Haymitch undressed her when she struggled with the zipper at the back of her dress and as he let the dress fall to the floor, he kissed her shoulder. It was an innocent kiss, something she noticed he tended to do with her lately – a kiss on her head, on her temple, on her shoulder – and it made her think that it was his own way to show some tenderness, but his thumb accidentally brushed against the scar on her hip bone. The involuntary shudder ran through her and he drew back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's not … you. It's just – "

"It's okay," he murmured gently, kissing her softly on the cheek as he handed an old shirt of his for her to put on. He made sure it was clean and that little gesture made something in her heart flutter. "We'll get there when you're ready."

Snuggled on the bed, Effie kissed him and time slowed down when she was with him under the covers; her fingers lost in his hair, his weight pressing her down slightly into the mattress when he deepened the kiss and the gentle stroking of his thumb against the pulse on her neck.

They eventually fell asleep holding on to one another until Effie startled awake in the middle of the night. He stirred slightly but since she wasn't thrashing or screaming in her sleep, Haymitch was oblivious to what was happening. She leaned against the headboard and drew her knees to her chest. Resting her cheek on the bend knees, she watched Haymitch in his sleep.

Once in a while, he would mumble something and his fingers would twitch, and Effie wondered if their dreams would ever be of something pleasant and if they would ever find peace at night or would they always be haunted by demons?

When he woke up to find her watching him, he frowned. His hand reached out for her, curling itself on her ankle.

"Did you sleep?"

"For a few hours," she answered.

"You had a nightmare? Why didn't you wake me? Should have woken me up," he grumbled.

"It wasn't a nightmare. I woke up because… I think I am not used to _here_ , in your bed and my body couldn't rest because – "

"I get it," he muttered. "Your mind's on the alert, it ain't lettin' you rest well."

"Yes, I was the same when I moved into Peeta's house when I first arrived."

"Then you just have to sleep here often," Haymitch shrugged, pushing himself up. "Yeah?"

She laughed lightly, and answered him with a peck on his lips.

"We have to get up," she reminded when Haymitch pulled her by the ankle until she was flat on her back so he could kiss her soundly. "You promised to show them the site."

With Cressida trailing after them, the camera mounted on the shoulder so she could record the scenes in Twelve, Haymitch led the group to the construction site. Pollux would have been behind the camera but as it were, he was walking next to Haymitch, communicating as best as they could.

"This is it," Haymitch paused when the building came into view.

Shielding his eyes against the glare of the sun, Pollux inspected what would soon be the halfway house. As it were right now, the construction workers had only started working on the roofs a day before and if everything proceeded as Effie's schedule, then the house would be ready by the month's end.

Cressida approached, the recording device blinking red as she circled the building. Haymitch had given his consent for this to be filmed in the hopes that it would get the words out to the avoxes in other parts of the districts and for them to know that help could be found it they ever needed it.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Effie saw Pollux excitement increased which meant, he was signing fast.

"Slow down," Haymitch chuckled. "I ain't fluent in signing yet. You gotta treat me like a kid learning to talk for the first time."

"That's why you're here," Cressida grinned at her teammate. "You're here to teach the other avoxes to sign so slow down and be patient."

"Show us around," Katniss demanded, walking into the building without any care for her safety.

Haymitch handed Effie a yellow helmet which she accepted only after making sure the others put on theirs, too. The last thing they needed was an injury from anything falling on their heads.

Peeta flanked Effie on the left as she explained the function of each designated room. Peeta knew all of this already since he had a hand in drawing the ideas Effie and Haymitch had in mind. He had spent hours on it, giving his input once in a while as well.

The main dormitory was towards the back of the building and several rooms had been designated as classrooms and activity rooms. Here, Pollux would teach them to communicate and it was Haymitch's idea to open the class to the public as well. He argued that it wouldn't do for the avoxes to only be able to communicate with each other and not with people outside their circle. Of course, his argument had merits and Effie's only hope was for that programme to be well-received by members of the public.

Peeta had assured them that once the classes are up, he could lead by example and sign up. Katniss eventually agreed, too. If the country's Mockingjay would do it, perhaps others would, too. Haymitch did not have to say it but Effie knew that he appreciated that gesture tremendously.

Since avoxes were assigned specific jobs in the Capitol, it meant that they acquired specialised skills which they could teach to one another to help increase their chances of employment later. That was what the other rooms would be for.

"I do not think I have said this enough but I am immensely proud of what you are doing here," Effie told him, "prouder still of what you have achieved."

"I haven't achieved anything," he countered. "Place is barely up."

"You underestimate yourself. You are doing something good with your life and by doing so, you are making it better for people like the avoxes. You are giving them another chance."

"Just trying to help," he mumbled, clearly uncomfortable by the praise. "You and I… We got the chance to have another shot, why shouldn't they?"

Effie smiled. Her gaze dropped to his hand and she wondered if it would be pushing it too far to slip her hand in his as they walked back to Victor's Village. Haymitch had never been one to display affection in public and she wasn't sure if that sentiment had shifted despite his desire for them to be _something_.

If she wanted to take things slowly, she supposed then that she should presume the same for him.

Effie walked next to him with her hand firmly by her sides except for the occasional moments when they brushed against each other.

That afternoon, Ailes reached District Twelve from Seven. Effie recognised him immediately from the years she saw him on the train serving them. She hesitated, unsure of his reception of her. While she had not been outright mean or cruel in her behaviour of him all these years, unlike some of her acquaintances had been to avoxes, she had still been dismissive of him until she needed him and she had been mostly indifferent to his presence in the train.

He smiled politely at her and extended his hand to her in greeting but otherwise, he seemed more comfortable being with Pollux and Haymitch. Together, they drafted a list containing names of avoxes they knew could benefit from the rehabilitation programmed and those they knew wanted to be here. It was a small number, less than twenty, but it was a start.

"Peeta," Katniss breathed out and the tone in her voice made Effie turned towards her.

From where he was bend forward, elbows on the table, reading off from Haymitch's list of names, Peeta raised his head.

"What is it, Katniss?"

"Come here," she beckoned.

Standing next to her with a hand on the small of her back and a hint of worry etched on his face, he repeated his question. Katniss parted the curtains further by which point, Effie had already wandered to the window and Haymitch was pushing the chair back to join her.

"That woman sitting by the fountain watching this house... Isn't that Johanna?"

* * *

 _That was a long chapter so I hope you had a good time reading it! :) If you can't send me cake, you can send me reviews because they bring the same amount of happiness to me :)) let me know what you think of Mama Effie with Peeta or Effie spending the night in Haymitch's bed or Pollux & Cressida's visit or... Johanna!_

 _See you in the next chapter._


	14. Deserter

**14\. Deserter**

 _"I promise I shall never give up, and that I'll die yelling and laughing."_

— Jack Kerouac

* * *

Haymitch glared at their guest until his line of sight was blocked by Effie's head. She stood in front of him, her palm warm against his folded arms.

"Let her explain," Effie advised, trying to soften the palpable tension in the room.

"What's there to explain? She left the kid with Annie," Haymitch grumbled loud enough that Johanna scowled.

"I need space, okay?" she raised her voice and Effie sighed, moving away to let them have talk it out. Peeta reached out to steer her next to him and Katniss, and safely away from them. "You've no idea what it's like being in the same house with a baby."

"He's not still a baby, right?" Katniss frowned. "Finn's - what? - 8, maybe 9 months old?"

"You _left_ Annie _alone_ with the kid," Haymitch cut in.

Johanna let out a breath and sank onto the chair.

"I did," she rubbed her face angrily and for a wild moment thinking that she was crying, Haymitch's heart lurched.

The last time he had seen her cry was a year after she won when she stormed Twelve's Penthouse and attacked Finnick for never telling her about the prostitution of victors until it was too late for her and her family.

"What do you want to hear? That I'm fucking sorry?" Johanna glared at him.

"There is no need for that kind of language," Effie interjected, taking a step forward once more. "If Katniss had not spotted her sitting by the fountain... Johanna regrets her action, surely you can see it?"

"She should be, she deserted them," Haymitch continued glaring.

Johanna scoffed. "Guess I learnt it from you when you _deserted_ the three of us in the Capitol. Remember that?"

Effie gasped, her hand shot to grip Haymitch's. Peeta's fingers twitched and in a second, he began to tap them against the side of his thigh in a rhythmic gesture. Katniss stared hard; surprised that Johanna would bring _that_ up.

The house plunged into an uncomfortable silence. His stomach roiled and he began to breathe heavily. The weight of Effie's hand around his wrist was suddenly unwelcomed and he wanted to shake it away but she was just trying to calm him.

He wasn't … angry. If anything, the guilt became more profound. He had been trying to move on with his life and while he always knew that it would be something he would carry with him throughout his life, he wasn't expecting to be confronted with it today of all days.

"Johanna…" Effie called her softly, as if she was approaching a wounded animal but that quickly fell on deaf ears.

Johanna's gaze was fixed on Haymitch when she said, "you made a promise to Finnick, too."

Haymitch made a noise under his breath and dropped on the chair, running his hand tiredly down his face. It was a timely reminder because he _had_ promised Finnick before he left with the squad to the Capitol. That boy was his as much as Katniss and Peeta is his, same as Johanna.

He couldn't be there in Four _and_ in Twelve at any given time but he could have done _more._ When he remembered, he would call them, at times twice a month or once every week but it was always to ask after Annie and the kid. Johanna was head-strong and resolute the way Katniss could be, but like Katniss, she could also break. He should have paid her some attention, he could have asked her how she was doing even if like him, she wouldn't have given away much.

He could have visited them, more than just that one time when Finn was born. He had promised Finnick he would take care of his family and he wasn't doing a good job of it, leaving the responsibilities squarely on Johanna's shoulders.

"I should have done more," he muttered.

Effie looked stricken. "I could have done something as well. I could have visited and lend a hand."

"You could have," Johanna shrugged and exhaled. "I feel like shit coming here, alright? Haymitch needs to keep an eye on his precious bird," she shot Katniss a look which Katniss returned with a disdainful scowl, "and he couldn't drag you all the way to Four without permission. I mean, I get it but – "

She stood up abruptly only to perch herself on the window sill.

"I want to live and have _fun,"_ she glowered at her boots, unable to look them in the eye. "I can't even go to the bar and bring a guy home because Annie doesn't want strangers in the house and if I'm gone the night, she worries her head off thinking I won't be coming back like Finnick didn't. Stupid man, he had to go and get himself killed, and now I'm saddled with his widow and his kid – it makes me angry because I can't live my fucking life but it's fucking wrong to think that way cause the guy's dead and if he had a choice he'd rather be here so I shouldn't be complaining. Annie's family and so is the kid, right? And I don't have many of those – family and friends. So yeah," she shrugged again, glaring at each of them in turn as if daring them to call her out for actually sharing how she felt, "I feel fucking rotten and it makes me look like the bad guy."

Haymitch exchanged a look with Effie, expecting her to have something comforting or useful to stay but she seemed as helpless as he was. It was Katniss who surprised them.

"I don't think it's wrong to think that way or feel that way," she said. Katniss hesitated for a brief moment, until Peeta gave an encouraging nod before she went on to share. "I know what it's like to step in and be the one to hold everything together. My dad died in the mines and my mum was worse off than Annie. I had Prim," she swallowed, not looking at Johanna, "to take care off. Just like you have Finn… Sometimes I feel like it's a burden I shouldn't carry but that doesn't last very long."

Johanna crossed her arms in front of her, watching Katniss curiously.

"Did you run off like I did when it gets too much?" Johanna smirked.

"In a way…" Katniss answered. "I ran off to the woods with Gale to hunt for a few hours. Maybe that's what you need, too. You have to find your woods."

Johanna huffed, staring out of the window.

"I'm going to call her. She must be losing her head," she muttered, walking in the direction of the phone.

Haymitch lingered at the sitting room in his own house. Peeta and Katniss left to check on their other three guests back at Peeta's house.

"Johanna needs a break. That is all," Effie said. "I have been so caught up in my own healing that – "

"Don't," Haymitch growled a warning. "It ain't on you."

"They are our responsibility as well. It is not just Katniss and Peeta next door. But… Johanna and Annie are not staying around here and we just forgot. That's the truth, isn't it? We forgot that they might need our help, too."

"Since when did we decide to adopt all these kids?" Haymitch snorted.

"All these kids _and_ a grandchild," Effie teased.

Haymitch wrinkled his nose but he was quick to say, "So you're a grandma. I'll be sure to let Finn call you that when he's older."

"You are the worst," Effie teased. "I should visit them."

" _We_ should visit Four," Haymitch corrected, "and we should make a practice of it. Thoughts?"

Effie smiled. "I think that is marvellous."

There was no discussion on when that would be but Haymitch assumed that once Johanna is ready to leave, Effie would follow. He would just have to ensure that the project here in Twelve would be in capable hands while he was gone _and_ he would have to inform the city that he would be leaving Katniss unattended for a while. With more than a year after her trial and the progress she was making, Haymitch was hoping for some leniency on that front. Katniss no longer require constant supervision after all.

While Johanna was here, it seemed that she fully enjoyed her time without the responsibility of caring after a toddler. She had dragged Effie together with Cressida and a wholly reluctant Katniss for a night out. Haymitch remained awake, sitting by the porch as he waited for their return and when the clock went past midnight with no sign of either of them, he was tempted to search for them himself.

He saw their silhouette an hour later. Katniss was supporting an inebriated Johanna while Effie guided a tipsy Cressida by the crook of her elbow down the path of Victor's Village.

Haymitch did not think they would be foolish enough to repeat this scene again but it happened the night after. Effie went to keep an eye on Johanna more than anything else and despite her reluctance, Katniss went out of loyalty to the woman who was filling Finnick's shoes.

"No more getting drunk," Haymitch scowled as he stood by the doorway of the guest bedroom while Effie removed Johanna's shoes. "You too, sweetheart."

"I am _not_ drunk, thank you very much," Effie retorted.

"Can't you think of something else to do with Jo other than the bar?"

She tossed him a look, a very amused one. "I never thought I'd see the day when a request to stop frequenting a bar would ever come from you."

"I'm gonna go back to Finn and Annie," Johanna slurred and belched, much to Effie's horror. "I won't – I'm not giving up on 'em. I like them and Annie's my friend. Like you," she patted Effie's cheek.

"She's fucking gone," Haymitch chuckled.

"And Finn's so cute," Johanna declared, something he was sure she would never be caught dead admitting out loud. "Wha'cha think, Trinket? He's the cutest baby."

"Yes, he is," Effie indulged. "Go to sleep now."

Effie reached over to turn on the bedside lamp, something she often did even when she slept in his bed. There was something about complete darkness that made her anxious, and he assumed, Johanna as well.

"Hey," Johanna grabbed her wrist and tugged hard, causing Effie to lurch forward with her face inches away from the young woman.

Haymitch took a step just in case in her drunken haze Johanna _might_ mistake Effie for someone else or mistook her for a threat.

"Trinket," she mumbled and Haymitch relaxed a little. "Remember what I said to you in that cell?"

Effie exhaled shakily, the reminder of prison was never something pleasant or a topic she willingly talked about.

"What did you say to me? There were plenty…"

"If I die …," Johanna paused to burp but Haymitch doubted it was that that made Effie grimace. It was likely the mention of her hypothetical death. "If I die… I want to die yelling and laughing, instead of crying like a fucking baby."

"Yes, I remember."

"I think that's how I'm gonna live my life from now," Johanna vowed. "I'll make sure every day is gonna be kickass and I'm gonna teach Finn _everything_ 'cause it's my job now. Finnick would want me to."

"That's good, Johanna," Effie nodded, brushing her hair back. "Always forward, yes? We live our lives now."

She nodded and turned on her sides, clutching the bolster close to her chest.

"Goodnight," Effie said to the now sleeping woman.

* * *

In the Godfather's novel, Peter Clemenza says, "May we live our lives, so that when we die we are smiling & while everyone else is crying like a fucking baby."

 _A/N: The mention of Johanna crying in the Penthouse/attacking Finnick was in reference to Chap 19 of Between Lives, if you wanna check that out. So you know the drill, reviews are cotton candy and leaving me one will make my day. Tell me what you make of Johanna being in Twelve. Poor Jo, she had too much on a plate, being somewhat of an adoptive mother to Finn. _


	15. Hope Village

**15\. Hope Village**

 _"Life is tough, my darling, but so are you."_

— Stephanie Bennett-Henry

* * *

The week that Johanna was in Twelve, the monotony and routine was broken.

Haymitch grumbled for entirely selfish reasons that Johanna was keeping Effie to herself and stringing her along to do things Johanna wanted to do in the name of fun. It was only in the middle of the night that Effie would snuck out of the house, make her way over to Haymitch's and climbed into bed with him.

He was always awake and waiting for her.

"I do sleep better with you," Effie admitted, explaining the reason she kept coming back despite Johanna sleeping in the bed she had been sleeping in at Peeta's place since she came. "Even if I can share the bed with Johanna now."

Effie made it a point each day to call District Four to talk to Annie and Finn even though all the boy could do was gurgle on the phone but Annie wanted her son to be familiar with her voice. Johanna would get on the line after Effie.

"Gale dropped by," she announced, settling down on the armchair.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Johanna shrugged. "He's making his round through the districts… you know, military business, got to make sure the districts are all up to date where security is concern. Matter of time before he comes here – thought I'd tell you so you can give your girl a heads up."

Effie placed her cup of tea down to watch her friend.

She had always known that Johanna and Gale had struck a sort of friendship in District Thirteen but she had no idea they kept in touch. Regardless of her curiousity and her need to pry more information, she also respected Johanna's privacy. Right now, she was more concern with the news Johanna just imparted. Haymitch and the children would want to know about this, _especially_ Katniss. The last she heard, Katniss had not parted with her childhood friend on good terms.

"Jo," Haymitch strode into the sitting room. His eyes swept over the room, taking in the knick-knacks on the coffee table from the three guests currently living in Peeta's house. "Here's a list of known avoxes that came from Four before the Capitol took them. They might not be there right now but if you can get in touch with their family, they could get the word out to the avoxes of this place that I have."

"Since when am I working for you?" Johanna sneered.

"Since right now," Haymitch smirked. "Help me out, come on."

"Fine, I'll look for them when I take Finn out for walks. Gives me something to do."

Effie shot Haymitch a triumphant look and his smirk deepened. Johanna remained oblivious to this exchange, unaware that at some point, they might have discussed the possibility of Johanna helping out as a means of giving her something else to focus on other than the toddler.

"Good girl," Haymitch patted her knee.

Johanna pushed his hand away with a scowl. "Fuck off."

It only made Haymitch laugh and with a wink in Effie's direction, he left the place.

"What's his deal?" Johanna turned towards her once he was gone. "With this programme…."

"It occupies him," Effie answered simply, not entirely comfortable discussing Haymitch's motivation behind his back. "He has my full support if it means he is not wholly dependent on the monthly alcohol shipment from the city."

"You don't have to come with me back to Four," Johanna said out of the blue and Effie welcomed the change in topic. "Not right now… You've got this with him and you've got that work in that medicine factory."

"That should not be a problem. I could take time off."

"Later," she insisted.

Effie pursed her lips but said nothing, sensing that Johanna might need the time once she returns to explain her hasty decision to leave Four without an explanation.

"And I'm not blind," Johanna rolled her eyes. "I know you and Haymitch are trying to work something out… You always had a thing for him, right? I never understood what you saw in each other but I don't want to get in the way of that by taking you to Four when you've got something going on here."

That statement made Effie reached out to the younger woman, an instinctive move more than anything else. Johanna had never liked her; tolerated her, yes but unlike, Finnick, she had not been friendly simply because in her eyes, Effie was Capitol. It was on that basis that she dismissed Effie's 'relationship' with Haymitch during the Games as nothing important. To Johanna, she was just someone Haymitch used to pass the time. Except with what she said now, the shift in Johanna's perspective made Effie's heart lurched. Johanna understood that there was something deeper and her maturity in accepting this fact was heart-warming.

"Johanna – "

"I know what I saw in that cell. They wouldn't keep you alive when you knew nothing. They were dangling you as bait, the way Peeta was to Katniss. And the old man wouldn't have been next to your bed every damn day after the rescue if you don't mean shit to him," she said. "So stay."

"It will be just a visit to Four," Effie countered.

"Yeah, sure but Haymitch is still in some denial that you're really staying here for good. So you're gonna shake that foundation so soon by leaving for Four right after whatever it is that you've discussed about?"

Effie's eyebrows shot up.

"Did he talk to you about that?"

"In a manner of speaking," Johanna waved her concerns away, "he told me you made your decision to stay in Twelve and you're not going back to the City. I got the feeling that he's having trouble believing that."

Effie sighed. "Why would he not believe me?"

"Ugh," Johanna growled. "I can't fucking believe I'm sitting here doing this shit but it's not that he doesn't believe you, he has problem _accepting_ it – could be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Look, you've got demons and he's got demons, and it's gonna take a while for any of us to believe any of the good things that's happening to us right now. Seems too good to be true that he has you where he wants you or that…" she paused. "Or that Finn's safe with me and Annie, and no one's coming for him. I kept checking for locks on the doors and windows, you know? Kept looking out for white roses in the rooms, any sign that Snow's coming but it's been good so far and that's fucking difficult to believe. You get it, right? Cause I'm not fucking repeating myself, Trinket."

"I do," Effie nodded.

She clutched Johanna's hand.

"We will see through this life, Johanna. It's been given to us, and we will live through the good and the bad, and no matter how tough it will be, we will be tougher, yes?"

"Yeah," Johanna nodded. "Tough as a nail."

Effie sniffled and took a deep breath. When she glanced Johanna's way, there was a smile planted firmly on her face.

"If he fucks with you in any way, you come right over. Our place is yours, too."

"That is … That is sweet of you, Johanna, thank you."

She grunted. "Do what you gotta do with Haymitch and that rehabilitation programme and then, you should come and visit us. Finn's gotta get to know his _Grandma_ Trinket."

For that, Johanna earned a slap on her arm.

XxX

By month's end, Effie was already preparing to have furniture moved into the halfway house, most of which she had custom ordered two weeks in advance from the men in District Twelve. She figured it would be good to outsource the job to them, allowing them to earn some money for their own families.

"I agreed to do an interview, figured it'll be a good way to get the word out to others out there 'bout this place – short of advertising it in papers," Haymitch informed her during one of the breakfast they managed to squeeze in before she had to leave for work at the medicine factory and Haymitch to the site. "You want to pick a time for us to do it? Cressida's good for any so it's up to us."

Effie paused with the toast halfway to her mouth. She set it down delicately before looking at him with consideration.

" _You_ should do it, Haymitch. This is your brainchild."

"We worked on it _together_ ," he argued.

"True," Effie nodded and rose from her chair. She went round the kitchen island to his side to kiss him on the cheek. "But this is your moment," she continued to which he scowled just as she expected him to.

"Come on, sweetheart," he grabbed her by the waist and turned his chair so he was facing her. "We're a team, yeah?"

Effie let out a sigh, wrapped her hand around his shoulders just as he rested his forehead on her chest.

"I'm not comfortable being in front of the cameras right now," she admitted, running her fingers soothingly through his hair, " _and_ I do not wish for the entire country to know that I am here."

"You have to stop hiding," he raised his head to look at her. "You belong anywhere in this country – wherever you damn well want to stay – same as everyone else."

She smiled down at him and kissed him until his grip on her waist tightened, and she felt him trying to manoeuvre her so she would straddle him. She allowed him that win, partly because she did not want him to be angry on her behalf that she was still feeling as if she needed to hide away.

Effie kissed his neck and his head fell back, eyes closed. This wasn't the first time she had been in this position with him but this was the first time after the war and she was painfully aware that Haymitch was fighting to keep his hip still. Before, he would pull her down on him so he could ground himself on her without shame until they had gotten rid of the clothes.

"You need to get to work," he opened his eyes and gently nudged her away.

Effie stood up, a little confused as Haymitch cleared his throat.

"Is something wrong?" she cast her gaze at him. She thought they were making progress and when they were kissing, she truly wanted more in a way that she had not needed before.

"Nothing's wrong, sweetheart. I … I want you, you know… but if we're going to do it, then we'll do it properly, not when we both have places to be," he assured her by kissing her forehead. "I want to take my time with you."

Effie blushed and he chuckled.

"You'll be there at the interview, yeah?"

"Of course, you don't even have to ask. I'll be there for you… to cheer you on," she winked.

Haymitch did well during the interview. She always knew he could carry himself in front of the camera if he wanted to. He explained the objectives of the program for the benefits of the viewers and took his time giving details of the classes that would be offered.

Cressida's weekly episodes of the post-war series aired two weeks later. They all gathered at Haymitch's sitting room to watch, Pollux and Ailes included. By that time, Cressida had already left to meet the new replacement for Pollux's now vacant position in Cressida's team.

Hope Village, a name Haymitch hung his head with exasperation at, opened to twenty-five avoxes excluding Ailes and Pollux. Most of them had been homeless and was simply looking for shelter, but there were also those that came with the intention of self-betterment.

On the second day, Effie watched Haymitch shook the hand of a man she knew to be living at the other side of Twelve before he welcomed the man's brother, an avox, in. When she asked, Haymitch told her that he knew the man from when he was helping the cleaning crew during the early days before she came to Twelve. Cary didn't need a place to stay which meant he would only be around during the day before leaving for home after his classes or programs for the day are over.

For the most part, Peeta was on hand and his presence had a calming effect on the new arrivals. Effie gathered their stories from them, reading from paper the words they had written to communicate with Peeta. Some was alone, having lost family members during the war. Some had gone home and felt themselves being more of a burden to their family than anything.

One of them, Liana, had found employment in District Five but her lack of ability to communicate and expressed herself left her feeling discouraged, so she packed to come here with the hopes of learning as many skills and gathering as much knowledge so she could facilitate her own progress in this world. Effie also learnt from her that she felt hopeful knowing that not all the Capitol's avoxes were homeless and jobless. Some managed to find a decent job, low-paying, but it was still a start.

Effie loved the Village for its community spirit.

In the beginning, most were wary of her, having recognised her from before. It was something she had long ago learnt to deal with so she thought nothing of it until she discovered that during one of his sessions, Pollux had explained to them the role she had in bringing up the halfway house. They did not all turned friendly overnight but they did smile at her as they passed each other down the corridor and they did exchange pleasantries, through what little sign language that Effie had since picked up.

On most evenings, she would walk in to the sight of a group of them cooking dinner in the kitchen for the rest of the residents or another two or three of them reading by the fire. She would see Haymitch in a chess game with one of them or a group sitting by the window painting the sunset with Peeta. There were times when Effie caught Katniss sharing a smile with the one or two who had gone with her to the woods.

Once, Haymitch walked in on her in one of the classrooms with a group of women crowding around a table. He laughed loudly in amusement when he saw the doll on the table with a diaper next to it.

"Oh hush now," she swatted his arm. "They told me babysitting duties are a lucrative business now in the City. It has always been even before the war, with parents hiring nannies. There is nothing funny for them to be sharing _this_ particular set of skills and knowledge. So - "

"So they're teaching you how to care for a kid? You're all set to relieve Jo of babysitting duties in Four then, yeah?"

"Or perhaps," she paused dramatically, her eyes twinkling in mischief, "I am preparing for motherhood myself."

Effie left him gaping after her. Teasing Haymitch was fast becoming one of her favourite things to do; that and spending the night in front of the fire, kissing him until he became breathless.

During one cold winter night, as she sat by the window watching the scenery outside, she mulled over the news she received at work that morning of the possible expansion of the medicine factory. There was something nagging at the back of her mind, an opportunity to be realised if she could just put her finger on it.

The firewood cackled as Haymitch added another log to keep it going through the night. When that was done, he came over to drape a blanket over her, kissing her head as he did so. Hope Village had been open for a few months now, and between going through the finances to ensure the place would keep going and standing in front of the classrooms for his sessions, Effie was truly glad to see his time occupied. She would loathe to see his mind and potential wasted by lazing around drinking liquor all day.

"I might have an idea," she broached.

"What about?"

"Let me talk to my supervisors at the factory before anything," she pressed her cheek on her bend knee as she watched him, "then I'll tell you all about it."

She would be lying if she said she was not apprehensive but the discussion she had with her supervisors at the factory was fruitful. With their approval, she returned home that night brimming with energy and over dinner, relayed her idea and discussion to Haymitch, Ailes and Pollux.

Ailes lighted up at her suggestion. She began to notice the way he warmed up to her, no longer acting out of place when he was in the same room with her.

When the day came, Effie brought a group of the residents for a tour of the medicine factory. That was all there was to it - a tour of a factory - but due to their apparent interests in the works done in the factory, an internship programme was born. They were to report to the factory and their assigned co-worker - all colleagues of Effie in the factory – would show them how things are done to develop the skills require for them when the factory expands.

In a show of good faith, Peeta invited a few of the residents to help out at his newly opened bakery, simply to make a point that there was no need for the avoxes to work in the shadows the way they sometimes did in the Capitol and to show that these people were hireable.

With Pollux's classes taking in students from District Twelve, it also meant that some members of the public could now conduct simple communications non-verbally and during one of Effie's trip to Town with Peeta, she was filled with warmth to see an avox signing to a fruit seller and getting a respond back.

"It's working, isn't it?" Peeta remarked. "No one's looked twice at them at my bakery. People have come to accept them as part of their world."

"Yes," she agreed. "They're adapting and growing together as the rest of the country after the war. Haymitch has done them a world of good which had me thinking... Pollux should expand his class to take in more people from other districts as well."

There were still stragglers coming in, one or two at a time. During one of these occasions, with Peeta at the bakery and Haymitch sitting in for one of the classes, Effie took it upon herself to give a tour of the place which ended with her showing the newcomer to his bed. As she left the dormitory, a hand shot out to grab her arm.

"Didn't mean to scare you," he muttered quickly with a sheepish half-smile when she yelped. "Sorry."

The classroom was empty but there were words written in marker on the board. A drawing of a factory machine was on it together with the blueprint of District Thirteen tacked to the left. It made her assume that Haymitch together with the avox in-charge of this session must have been teaching the others of the new government's project in Thirteen. She was not at all interested in the development of District Thirteen but there were opportunities to be had there.

"Something I can help you with?" Effie queried. "I am off to Town with Liana in a while. We need fresh sheets and a whole load of yarn for the knitting session."

"Knitting?"

"Something just to pass the time," she smiled. "They're teaching me to knit and in return, I'm showing them a thing or two about designing dresses and suits."

"Right," he muttered. "Listen, I haven't seen you much ever since this place got up except, you know, at night when we go to bed."

"Yes?"

She drew him close, letting him wound his arm around her waist.

"So," he lifted his gaze to her before dipping his head to kiss her neck with a quiet mumble of, "be ready at eight tonight."

She blinked at that strange request, moving back a little to look at him.

"Tonight? Are we going somewhere?"

"Yeah. You said I should take you out more. I remembered that so I told Sae to make a table free for us," he paused and frowned, "why do you have other plans?"

"Well..."

"The knitting..." Haymitch exhaled. "I'll cancel. Should have asked you first."

Effie tried hard to fight off the grin even as she quickly grabbed his face, standing on tiptoes to kiss him. It was strange to feel this way, she thought to herself. She was not a teenager and she had been with many men, and yet... The thought of Haymitch reserving a table for them had sent her heart fluttering in her chest. It was ridiculous and at the same time, she knew it was right to feel this way about him. She should feel this way when a man she was very much interested in pursuing made an effort for her, _especially_ so when said man hardly if ever made an effort in the romance department.

"Do not cancel. I like that you are taking charge. It is a nice surprise. I will tell Ailes to go ahead without me."

That information seemed to surprise him, causing him to raise an eyebrow in question. "Ailes is in your knitting group?"

"Careful now," she warned. "Do not say something stupid or I will choose knitting over you."

"Alright," he raised both hands in surrender. "See you tonight. Eight, yeah?"

"Yes," she nodded, giving him a smile over her shoulder when he parted to let her go.

If anyone were to comment on the skip in her steps, she would vehemently deny it but she could not deny the excitement spreading through her at the thought of going out with Haymitch.

 _A_ proper _date at last_.

She was sure she was smiling from ear to ear but she couldn't help herself.

The very fact that it would be at Sae's restaurant meant that in some ways, he truly did not mind being with her in _that_ capacity _and_ he even remembered something she had told him months ago. It made her giddy with the weight of the realisation that he really did want to try.

 _And for that, he deserves a reward_ , she thought as she picked on a red dress.

He had always loved her in red.

* * *

 _I hope you've enjoyed that long chapter! The Avox Rehabilitation Program is going well, they are all occupied with it. The bakery is up and running. Johanna's sort of accepted their relationship and had gone to Four with her own family where she belongs, and our hayffie is finally going on a date after all that. Tell me what you think of it all in the reviews :)_

 _See you next week for the last chapter._


	16. Home

**16\. Home**

 _"_ _For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home."_  
 _―_ _Stephanie Perkins_ _,_ _Anna and the French Kiss_

* * *

Haymitch stirred, reaching up to his face to get rid of the hair in his mouth. Cracking his eyes open, he squinted to see Effie's head pillowed on his chest with the wind from the open window blowing wisp of her hair into his face. Sighing, he gently shifted her until he could get out of bed to shut the window.

Walking back towards her, his feet caught on something and he tripped, colliding into the vanity with a loud curse.

The noise of the clattering beauty products on the floor woke Effie up.

"Haymitch?" she asked, sitting up. "What's wrong?"

"Tripped over your dress," he muttered, picking up the red dress he vaguely remembered flinging on the floor the night before in his haste to undress her.

Looking around, he began to pick up their discarded clothes – her bra near the foot of the bed, his shirt near the door, his boxers hanging off the lamp shade and her panties that had somehow ended up on the door knob.

"Put them in the laundry," she said tiredly and he smirked when she yawned, knowing very well that he was the reason she was exhausted.

Haymitch did as he was told, dropping the clothes in the laundry basket in the bathroom. Since he was there, he decided to relieve himself without even bothering to shut the door. He half expected Effie to say something – that some business was meant to be kept private – but nothing was forthcoming.

They were behaving in a more domestic fashion by the day and he truly, much to his surprise, did not mind it one bit. The woman outside in his bed was the only woman he wanted and he had her where he wanted her. They were at a good place right now – they were open and honest, and they were both willing to make it work this time around.

Last night… He smiled, tucking himself in as he flushed the toilet. Last night had been amazing. All those times he had told himself to be patient with her and all those nights he had abstain himself had been worth it. The moment he buried himself in her had been the most singularly satisfying moment in his life. The desire and need that he had kept dormant had exploded and if Effie noticed the passion, she did not address it.

"Haymitch…" he heard her call out for him. "Are you coming back to bed?"

"Yeah, in a minute."

He washed his hands, staring at his reflection on the mirror.

"You're gonna grab this life by the balls and you're gonna make it yours," he muttered. "No two ways 'bout it – you owe this to everyone who lost their lives."

"The bed's getting cold," she complained when he took a minute too long and he could imagine the pout on her lips.

The moment he slipped back under the covers, Effie wrapped herself around him.

"I hate your hair in my face," he muttered.

"It is just something you will have to deal with," she patted his chest, lifting her head up to look at him, "and quite possibly, for years to come because I do not plan on going anywhere."

Snorting, Haymitch said, "I don't plan on letting you go either, sweetheart."

"Good," she hummed, tucking her head under his chin.

Effie, as he should know, loved her routines. Before he realised it, he was taking her out somewhere a day each week, usually on a weekend where they would have more time to themselves. It was not always that he asked her out, sometimes it was her.

Their monthly trip to District Four became a part of this routine. It was something he had come to accept as being part of his life now and quite frankly, he enjoyed watching Finn grow. There was always something new that the boy picked up each time they visited.

"Do you remember when Finn was born… When we all came to visit?"

"Yeah," he nodded, settling down next to her on the sunbed after their walk by the beach.

"We were sitting on this sunbed after I had a nightmare and you took me out of the house to calm me down," she said. "I woke up in your arms the next morning. That was the first time I truly felt safe after the war."

"You woke up scared," he frowned, recalling that morning.

"I was because I did not how – we were not…" she trailed. "I was not sure where I stood in your life and where I want you to stand in mine."

"I get it," he muttered quietly, glad that that was behind them now.

When she reached for his hand, Haymitch squeezed it gently and drew her into his embrace. They watched the waves rolling into the shore until the sun set.

When the third anniversary of the fall of the Capitol rolled around, Finn together with Johanna and Annie were in Twelve, visiting. The unanimous decision was to give the ball a miss once more despite Plutarch's insistent that they should make an appearance after missing it twice before. The only victor to be present at the Capitol for the celebration was Beetee, to which Haymitch sent his deepest sympathies. Beetee attended only because he happened to be present in the City on official business with Plutarch three days before the event and was roped into staying for the celebration.

"You owe me," Beetee grumbled on the phone.

"That one's not on me," Haymitch chuckled. "Learn to schedule official business on weeks further away from the ball next time."

In Hope Village, people come and go. Each time he heard back from one of the individuals the Village had sheltered and helped, and knew that these people had managed to find employment or bought a house of their own or succeeded in paving a life for themselves, it left him feeling accomplished.

He had watched so many lives slipped through his fingers. What he was doing could by no means atone for the tributes he failed to save and he wasn't a fool to even entertain that thought but for once in his life, he just wanted to do something good and of value.

Now, there were people who stayed in his life. Ailes and Pollux, for example, both of whom had been with Hope Village for years since it started. Just two weeks prior, they had all attended Ailes' wedding with a red-haired florist he met in one of Pollux's communication classes. She was not an Avox, just a student who had signed up for the classes only to strike a friendship with Ailes along the way.

He liked his life the way it was now. He liked coming home to Effie and waking up to her next to him. He liked the brunch they have without fail with Katniss and Peeta at the bakery every Sunday. He liked that a week before he was scheduled to visit Four, he was all Finn would talk about, boring Johanna to tears. He liked watching the kid running to them to hug him fiercely and give Effie a wet kiss on the cheek. He liked that somehow Pollux, Ailes and his wife had become family friends.

Five and a half years after the war, Haymitch woke up to a realisation. For a long time, all he did was to stare at the ceiling, an arm folded across his chest.

"I like it better when you're watching me sleep," she mumbled quietly. "You're boring a hole in the roof."

He turned to his side, facing her. Slowly, she blinked her eyes open with a lazy half smile on her lips.

"We won't need this place any longer soon," he spoke quietly.

The smile faded and a frowned replaced it.

"Are we moving?"

"Hope Village," he amended, "not this house. There aren't many avoxes there. We haven't been using the dormitories in months now. It's just the classes that are runnin', nobody we're shelterin' any longer."

"I'm sure you will arrive at your point sometime today," she stifled a yawn, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"I'm saying," he propped himself on his elbow, "that soon, there won't be anyone at Hope Village. No avoxes needing a roof over their heads, they're thinning out and they're out there doing good so … What's the point of running this place anymore?"

Effie sighed.

"You stayed because of this program," he ventured to say, watching her face carefully. "Everything comes to an end, even this with the Village. Are you… You're staying regardless?"

"I am _offended_ that you have to ask," she huffed. "Of course I am staying. I have told you again and again, Haymitch Abernathy, I am _not_ going anywhere. You are quite clearly stuck with me whether you like it or not."

He smirked.

His hand sneaked under the covers to the swell of her hip. He waited for her to kiss him like she always would but she merely raised an eyebrow so he conceded and leaned forward, capturing her lips in a heated kiss.

"Good that you're staying 'cause otherwise," he punctured that with a kiss to her collarbone, as he pushed the covers down, "someplace else will just bore you."

"You're not that interesting, you know?" she told him in jest.

"Wasn't what you were thinking last afternoon when we did it in the empty classroom next to Pollux's class," he murmured. "Don't tell me _that_ didn't excite you? That _I_ didn't keep things interestin' fucking you when there was a class going on next door…"

"Oh, do not be so smug, nobody likes a bragger."

"I know someone who does," he countered with another smirk.

She stayed his wandering hands and Haymitch looked down at her to see her gazing up at him, a serious expression on her face. She brushed his hair tenderly away from his face.

"What will you do?"

He let out a breath, knowing exactly what she was asking. He had not thought that far yet so he simply shrugged and rolled off her. Haymitch resumed his initial position, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

"Doing exactly _nothing_ sounds good," he said. "I got you to fill my time."

"I will drive you crazy. You need something to keep your attention occupied. We cannot be in each other's space all the time, one of us is bound to snap."

"We'll make it up like we always do. Imagine all the sex we'd be doing if we argue every fucking day."

"Teach," she went on, ignoring his attempts at levity. "You will make an excellent teacher. I have seen you in front of a class, teaching and guiding. You can teach mathematics, Haymitch. You _love_ solving. Teaching is your scene and you shine at it."

Haymitch snorted.

Effie was not subtle about it. Whenever he come down for breakfast, long after she had gone off to the medicine factory, he would find newspaper advertisements on the kitchen counter where she had deliberately left them; advertisement seeking teachers to be employed at schools or news of new schools springing up in the districts which are in need of teachers, news of programmes offering training to be an educator all of which Haymitch ignored.

In the end, it was Pollux's idea that took root in him.

"A school?" Effie frowned, interpreting his signing.

The man nodded enthusiastically, a wide grin etched on his face. She had been pushing Haymitch into teaching except none of them thought to turn what they had into a school of its own. Pollux's idea had its merit. Instead of a normal, mainstream schools catered for the children and teenagers, he suggested a vocational and technical institute; a place to give young adults and others the opportunities to gain hands on skills for various specific industries.

"I could ask funding from Mr. Heavensbee," Pollux suggested. "I had a thought to offer a course in Communications and Media. It's been what I do since I escaped the Capitol for District Thirteen."

"So it ain't for kids," Haymitch frowned. "It's geared for… employment. Get you the skills you need to work once you're done…"

Pollux nodded enthusiastically, pleased that he was grasping it.

It could work, Haymitch deduced as he thought it through. They have students in that Village. Not just avoxes but others from this district who came because they found that the classes Haymitch and the others offered for the avoxes were useful in getting them a job in this post-war world. He had Effie conduct a class on the filing and management system they had in the factory and which was now employed across all the factories in Panem. He had someone from the factory came over to give lectures on work health safety while teaching the way factory machineries work.

What they had been doing wouldn't be that much a different than what Pollux was suggesting. It would be just on a bigger scale, an evolution of what they had now.

If nobody in Twelve wanted to only be good at mining coals all their lives, then he supposed, nobody in the other districts would want to only specialise in their district's industry.

"He might be on to something," Effie piped in, thinking he needed convincing when he was quiet for too long.

Turning towards her, he asked, "You think it'd work?"

"I do believe so. Tourism, as you know, is a growing industry in several districts especially Four now that there are freedom to move between districts and the City. The tourism and service industry would need people trained in that area, yes?"

"Yeah…"

"Say, if you are the owner of a resort in Four, wouldn't you rather employ someone who has that set of skills to provide such customer service? Wouldn't you want to hire a manager who understands the way hotels and resorts function? What if we are able to produce such people through this school, Haymitch? We can offer a course in Hospitality… Hospitality and Tourism Management," her eyes gleamed as the idea began to take shape, "or Retail Management. You get the idea, don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, tapping the pen incessantly against the edge of the table. "A practice-based learning… a more applied, practical learning than a conventional school…. Could work," Haymitch shrugged.

Pollux beamed and Effie threw him a dazzling smile.

XXx

"You ever thought 'bout how different your life is now? How you get from one point to another?

They stood in front of the much larger building, now four stories high with an east wing attached. His name was on the front gate, something he opposed to but the kids, Effie and even the avoxes he had helped voted for it. Haymitch, unwittingly, sat as the dean in that institution but he could never be relied on to remain still in an office. This meant that the staffs were used to having him take over some classes in which his expertise could be of used and it was during one of these classes that he found Effie sitting right at the back of the class, watching him.

He liked to think that somehow along the way, he had made Effie proud of the person he became and if his mother could see him now, that she would be proud of him too. It was a thought that made him sleep better at night when the days were rough.

"Yes," she looped her arm around his waist and leaned into him. "It is only natural, I supposed."

"What do you think of it?"

"I think," Effie said slowly, "I think after all these years, I am truly home."

A group of students chatted loudly as they walked past the couple standing under the shade of the oak tree and into the building. Haymitch paid them no mind, his attention suddenly focused solely on the woman next to him.

"I left the Capitol looking for a place I would be accepted and belonged. I found it with you. It was always with you. I shouldn't have had to look for it."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I have not heard you talk about moving to Four or to Seven, not once have you brought it up. It has been _years_ since you told me of your plans to move somewhere else."

And she was right, he realised. He had not once entertained the thought of finding a quiet place in Four or Seven. It had not crossed his mind to take her with him somewhere far away where nobody could find them.

"It ain't something I want anymore," he mumbled.

She smiled up at him. "I supposed, we both learnt something, didn't we?"

"What's that?"

Her eyes sparkled, as if she held all the world's secret and couldn't wait to share it with him.

"Home is not a place," she said. "It's a person. For me, that person is you and the children next door."

It was illogical a notion but right at that moment it surely felt as if his chest was expanding, and it might explode by the sheer emotions he felt for her. He couldn't put it into words. Nothing he said could ever justify what he felt for her. He felt a million things and one, all at the same time and the very thought that one woman could do this to him…

He tugged her close and held her tight.

"We're finally home," he kissed her forehead.

 _And wasn't that apt_ , he mused.

Since he was sixteen, Victor's Village had always just been a place for him – a house without a soul. It was some place he returned to after the annual Games ended and a place he whittled away until it was time for the next reaping.

It was exceptionally different now. This world in which he thought he would never survive to see was his. He had lived through the worse of it all. He outlived his family and friends who died to give them this peace and it was his duty – _their_ duty – to keep on living.

As long as he held on to that little bit of hope that life would find its way in the end and with Effie next to him, he could see through the remaining years he has with a sense of contentment.

 ** _Fin._**

* * *

 _And... THAT'S IT! I have had such a fun time writing all sixteen chapters of this story and writing their journey to find some hope and peace for themselves. I hope you had just as much fun reading it. Please leave a review and let me know what you think of the final chapter (or the story) and if you excepted that ending for Haymitch :)_

 _See you if and when I have a new hayffie story for you guys!_


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